Jokes, Courtesy of 10th Grade

Q: What do you call a donkey with its head chopped off?
A: A DEAD DONKEY!

Q: What do you call a sine that is co?
A: A COSINE!

Also, last night Julian apparently spent quite a bit of time writing more poems, this time about his classmates. "There once was a boy named Zach, who played music like Bach." Another started, "There once was a boy named Ben, who liked Esther even though she doesn't like him." But my favorite was:

There once was a boy who liked schnitzel,
And he liked to eat pretzels,
Too.

Goodness, what am I going to do with this class?

The Expanse Between Maturity Levels is Vast

So if you've been reading my blog lately, you've surely become accustomed to some of the bizarre things we talk about in 8th - 10th grade. However, I rarely mention my first class of the day - 11th and 12th grade PreCalculus. I'm still not sure if they are incredibly more mature than the younger classes, or if they are all just brain dead that early in the morning, thus creating the illusion that they are extremely well behaved.

Anyways, here's a conversation that took place this morning that I think gives you a pretty good idea of the maturity gap between this class and my other classes.

Student: Do you know the verses that say that if you forgive others, God will forgive you, but if you don't forgive others, God won't forgive you?
Me: Yeah...
Student: Does that make God an unforgiving God?

Holy cow.

Poetry

I gave the 10th graders a new seating chart today, and I then proceeded to spend the first 10 minutes of class listening to them complain about it. Subsequently, they now know that if they have a problem with the seating chart (or any other decision) I have made, they can come TALK (not complain) to me about it after class IFF (if and only if) they have a valid reason AND a possible solution to offer. Goodness.

I have one student who is hyper-chatty no matter who he is sitting by. I've even tried seating him alone in the front of the room. Then he tries to talk to me the whole time. Recently, I've been bombarded with incredibly BAD jokes such as, "Hey what is Sun Joon's brother's name?" And the punch line is him screaming, "MOON JOON!!!! GET IT?!? SUN JOON AND MOON JOON!!!" (Sun Joon is a student whose brother is actually named Sun Ho.) Said student has been banned from telling jokes in the classroom. He managed to sneak one in today though by raising his hand and asking me, "What is the similarity between a hexagon and a pentagon?" I was about to give him the geometric answer when he shouted, "THEY RHYME!!! GET IT?!? HexaGON and pentaGON!!!"

I looked at him skeptically, to which he responded, "What? Did you fail English or something? Why aren't you laughing? THEY RHYME!" I thought long and hard about pointing out that this is his second year in a row in the 10th grade, but I decided against it. Instead, I simply told him that those words don't rhyme. He insisted they do. So instead of arguing, I moved on. Then after the lesson, I had the class get started on their homework and (using some online help), I wrote the following poem and gave it to him. His name is Julian, BTW.

There once was a boy named Julian
Who only dreamed to be a beautician
But sadly, he was too Beckettian
So instead he became Belarussian

I asked him if it rhymed or not. He checked and said, "Of COURSE! The last word in each line ends in -ian!" So just to check, I said, "Wait. So you're telling me that your name, Julian, rhymes with the word 'beautician'?" He very confidently said it did. He then asked me to define beautician, Beckettian, and Belarussian for him. Once he was satisfied in knowing what the poem actually meant, he quieted down, and I thought the matter was dropped.

But when the final bell rang, he came over to my desk, dropped a piece of paper on it, and said, "Now I wrote a poem for you. Read it."

There once was a woman named Abby
Who was always very naggy
She was very mean to Julian
She thought he was a hooligan
She always made him fail
Because she thinks he wants to do nails


Can I just say - BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!

Yeah, I Did That...

Current Facebook status of a student I taught Algebra 2 to my first year here.

"I love how about 5 years ago when I learned imaginary numbers I saw no practical use for them and I figured I would never use them again. I use them all the time now."

Validated.

Papua

Over the past few years, I’ve had several friends who have moved to work in Papua – not to be confused with Papua New Guinea, which is its own separate country. Papua shares the island of New Guinea with PNG, but Papua, also known as Irian Jaya, is actually a part of Indonesia.

In this picture, Australia is the large land mass at the bottom, Papua New Guinea is on the east side of the big island, and the west side is occupied by Papua.

In spite of the number of friends and acquaintances of mine who live there, I know relatively little about Papua and its culture. Through the Facebook page of a family I know who works in northern Papua, I found a link to the website of an Indonesian photographer who travelled there (a loooong trip. Java – where most of the population of Indonesia lives – isn’t even shown on the map above because it’s so far away) to photograph and put a face on the HIV/AIDS pandemic currently happening.

So if you’re like me and are curious to know more, click HERE to see some awesome pictures, and be sure to click “Show Caption” at the bottom of each photo in the slideshow to read and learn!

10th grade

Me: Joseph, why aren't you sitting in your assigned seat?
Joseph: WHOA! How can you tell?
Me: Um... Because I have eyes... And you normally sit in the front row. But now you're not. JinDo is. It's kind of obvious.
Joseph: But we're both Korean. How can you tell we switched seats?
Me: I CAN TELL YOU APART!

Note(s) to Self

1. The ATM will not accept your driver's license. No matter how hard you push it.

2. Even if it is nice and sunny after church, you should NOT go driving for an hour through the villages and rice paddies in a skirt. Creepy men abound.

3. You should not buy two blocks of butter before going driving for an hour through the villages and rice paddies in the Sunday sunshine. Butter melts.

4. You should know by now that no matter how sunny it is after church, it can start pouring down rain at any moment without notice. And it will.

5. No, your tire is not flat. You're just paranoid. And all those people are honking at you for a different reason. See number 2.

6. You are off your game. Take a nap.

Pictures of the Month

It’s that time of the month again. I’ve hardly posted any pictures lately, so here are some that I’ve snapped throughout February.

1. At the beginning of the month, this group of insects would begin to emerge from beneath my bathroom sink every single night at about 8 PM. If I turned the light on, they would all run back underneath though. I began to fear that they would make their way into my bedroom and eat me in my sleep, so I mostly just shut the bathroom door and left the light on all night in order to deter them. I haven’t seen them for a couple of weeks now, so maybe they are gone for good.

Those pictures were taken on 2 different nights. Sometimes I would notice the bugs when they were first starting to emerge. Sometimes I would be sitting on the couch and would see them stampeding around the corner. Ew.

2. Banquet season. This was my favorite banquet invitation by one of my favorite kids TO one of my favorite kids. I teach them both first period, so boy kid came to school early with a toddler that he borrowed and a bunch of red roses. He set up like so:

But after I took the picture, he zipped the jacket up again, and waited for girl. When she walked into class, she saw him standing there with an adorable child waiting to hand her a bouquet of red roses. Boy gave her a minute to realize that this was for her, told the kid to hand her the roses, then unzipped his jacket, revealing his all important question. This was her reaction.

Returning the child. Notice that the back of his shirt has three boxes that say “Yes”, “No”, and “Maybe” beside them. With the roses, he also handed her a permanent marker so she could check one. She checked yes (After this picture was taken, obviously).

3. So one day I was walking out of my classroom as this guy walked in, not at all fazed when we passed in the doorway. Most of these skinks are really skittish and would rather die than be near a human, but not this one. A few hours later, I was typing something up at my desk, and I heard motion behind me. This guy was just chilling on the bookshelf, watching me type. The next day, I was sitting at my desk, and felt something substantial crawling up my leg. I looked down, and saw his tail sticking out from under my pants leg. So I started jumping around and kicking my leg like a crazy person until he fell out. Then he hung around my desk the rest of the day. The skink with no fear…

4. I took some pictures of the rain one day. I had to walk from the school to the second story of the boys dorm for batik class (that’s where the art room is), and right as I got to the end of the covered walkways, this happened. Aish.

And then looking back from the art room. The lawn is turning into a lake within 10 minutes.

But still, I feel like no matter how many rain pictures I take and post, it will never capture the full effect of the torrential-ness of rainy season.

5. Apparently girl cat is very non-discriminating about which of my crafts she will fall asleep on. I was cross-stitching a Russian doll that I found a picture of on etsy, and she decided it would make a nice bed, I guess?

6. The afternoon sun shining in my kitchen window. It is so rare these days to see the sun in the afternoon/evening due to rainy season. So one day I came home from work and found this sight, and I loved it so much that I took a picture to remember it.

7. I keep finding these little things on the outside of my house. They’re some kind of cocoon with a built in chain link fence. Pretty cool if you ask me.

With a termite stuck in a spider’s web.

On my front door.

In my front window, taken from inside.

And then I found this terrifying little guy, so maybe his kind keeps making these things?

8. My little bird. I found him outside my house one night. And by “found”, I actually mean, “took him away from my cat who was about to play with it to death”. It’s an Indonesian sparrow, but it was still too little to fly. So I kept it for one night and gave it food and water. And then it died. Sad.

Yeah… He’s a little bit wet with cat spit. Below is the “nest” I made for him in a laundry basket. And that’s how he would look at me every time I whistled at him.

9. Here is a fact about me. I will buy anything that comes in awesome packaging. You don’t find that often in Indonesia. They’re not really big on creative/artistic marketing of goods. But then I found this soap. From China. In a random little supermarket that just opened up down the street from the school. And I don’t really use bar soap all that much. But I bought this one. Because I’m in love with it. Also, it is sandalwood scented. Yum.

 

10. There are a lot of praying mantises here.  I see them fairly regularly. But I grew up in a place where they are nearly on the endangered animals list, and it was always a huge deal when we found one. So I still get a little bit excited when I see one. Like yesterday.

OK. That’s all now!!

Impersonations

That 8th graders are currently working on homework and practicing their impersonations of each other. They're pretty good.

Their impersonation of me went, "WAKE UP, RG!"

RG was not amused. Hahaha...

Proofreading

Proofing a paper on HIV/AIDS. Closing sentence really caught my attention.

"So what I want to tell you is that be careful whenever and wherever because you don't know in which moment you may receive AIDS."

Scary stuff.

There is an incredible bond among people all over the world involved in ministry. Whether or not we know each other, there is an acknowledgement that we are all part of one body working toward one goal. And because of that bond, when one part of the body hurts, we all feel it.

I've heard a few times today of a family serving in Cuba who lost their 3 year old daughter in a car accident yesterday. Nobody here knows them, but we're all praying. To read more or to help this family out, click HERE.

Invitation

Today, an invitation to the wedding of two Indonesian people I have never met was hand delivered to me with my name printed clearly on the front. The invitation contains general information such as who is getting married (Widya and Ardi), when (this coming Saturday), and where (in Solo). But the part that intrigued me the most was the... uhmm... poem (maybe?) included at the end. It reads as follows, verbatim:

Infact Our world of beautiful, actually world is full surprise,
Until we meet with beautiful way and time in praying to God...
Not exaclly season and time the people planing not popiet with there hope
We just have desire and praying, but only God who have powerfull than as...
But exactlly season and time I LOVE YOU, always...
Like the sunrise start the day and sunset for night. I always with you.
So many thing will I share, so many thing will I so.....
Since we meet and than make comitment still day and forever
Our love, Widya and Ardi shall never die...

There are several things that stand out to me about this invitation.
1. How do they know my name? I do not know these people.
2. They spelled "exactly" two different ways. Even if you're not sure how to spell it, you could at least be consistently wrong.
3. When I try to translate this back into Indonesian and ponder it carefully, I still have NO CLUE what is being said.
4. What the heck is a popiet?
5. In spite of the rest of the poem, they really mostly nailed that last line, you have to admit.

If I ever live in Indonesia and don't work for the school, I am going to open a translation proofreading business. If you spent just a day in my small city, you would be amazed at the gross overuse (and even grosser under-accuracy) of English in advertising. It is the cool thing to do. But it is 99% of the time oh, so wrong. I often stare at banners, billboards, fliers, brochures, etc and scream, "LET ME HELP YOU!" I seriously wonder how much money I could make if I charged even just a penny per line of text to proofread. I'm going to be so rich. It's really a shame that it's illegal for me to have any other income outside of the school while I'm on a school visa. Sigh.

College in the Promised Land

Male student: Miss, what was the guy-girl ratio at your high school? Our school doesn't have enough girls!
Me: Uhmmm.... I was homeschooled.... Soooo.... Yeah.
Student: Oh. Right. What about your college?
Me: There were about twice as many girls as guys.
*Pandemonium ensues with all the boys yelling that they want to go to "her college" (our high school has like 30 girls and 65 guys)*
Me: But when my brother started at his college, it was like 3 or 4 girls for every guy.
*Stunned silence*
Male student: Does your brother go to college in HEAVEN?!

This Weekend

I took a nap on Saturday.
AND on Sunday.
Like a boss.

Garage Sale

Indonesians don't do garage sales or thrift stores or Goodwill. Basically, they keep everything they have and use it until it has no possible use anymore. And then they still keep it because God forbid you throw something away. I, however, take after my mother in that I don't like having lots of useless stuff around. So I have a deal with my pembantu that anytime I don't want something, whether or not I think it is still usable, I give it to her and she will find someone who can use it.

Anyways, I digress. We have a tradition around here in which the seniors host a garage sale once a year during second semester. They sell their own things, and other people are welcome to donate unused items as well. The money goes to the senior class trip and/or other class functions. Tons of people turn out - foreigners and nationals alike. It's the one time a year you can buy used stuff for cheap.

It happened today. I got some good books and some clothes for Aswan that I am happy about. The seniors made $850 in 3 hours. Not bad. At all.

After I left the garage sale, I came home, ate some chicken and rice, then fell back asleep.

I woke up to a phone call from the seniors saying, "We still have some leftover stuff, and we want to give it to an orphanage, but we don't know where one is in Salatiga. Can you take us to an orphanage?"

You can't say no to that. So I went and helped them deliver 4 boxes of clothes, shoes, and other things to a very nearby orphanage that none of the students even knew existed.

The point of the story is that I'm so excited to see this class's heart of ministry. As they leave our school in May and find themselves in colleges all over the world, I know this group of kids will have an impact. And as sad as it will be to say my goodbyes, I am so excited to see how they will change the world. Because I know they will.

Better...

I just graded the 9th grade quiz I made them re-take today (with a different problem, of course). It was better. Three didn't come with rulers, but they at least came to my room during 10 minute break to ask to borrow one from me. I told them to get their rulers, paper, calculators and pencils out before the quiz started, and I asked if anybody needed anything. Nobody said anything. So I gave them the problem.

One kid got up from his desk loudly and said, "I don't have any paper." Halfway through the quiz, one started rummaging through his backpack trying to find his calculator. But it was better than yesterday. Much better than yesterday. They all finished in 10 minutes, and everyone had his or her name at the top of a half sheet of paper with all work shown (Yay! Progress!).

Yesterday we learned how to multiply and divide rational expressions, and I told them to leave their answers in factored form on their homework as opposed to multiplying everything out. EVERY. SINGLE. EXAMPLE. that I did on the board, I left the answer in factored form. After the lesson, multiple kids still asked me, "Miss, on the homework, how should we write our answers?" And each time, I responded, "Leave your answers in factored form".

Four kids out of ten turned in homework today with answers in factored form. Perrrrfect...

Yesterday during batik class, I had the following conversation with one particular 9th grader.

Student: How long will you be in your room for after school?
Me: Probably 20 minutes or so, then I'll head home.
Student: Am I annoying you?
Me: Noooooo.....
Student: Am I now?
Me: Getting there...
Student: Can I come to your room after school?
Me: For.....??
Student: I have some questions.
Me: Questions?
Student: Sorry. Am I annoying you?
Me: What do you have questions about?
Student: Stuff.
Me: You spent the entire class time today drawing dragons. Don't think I didn't see.
Student: Oh. Well, it's not about today.
Me: You also spent yesterday and the day before and the day before drawing dragons on paper you took out of the recycle bin.
Student: Oh. You saw that?
Me: Mmhmm...
Student: So can I come to your class later? I need help.
Me: Why should I spend my personal time after work helping you learn something that you don't even care about listening to the first time I teach it to you?
Student: OK. So I can come?
Me: Answer the question.
Student: What question?
Me: Why should I spend my personal time after work helping you when you don't even bother to pay attention to me in class?
Student: Um... Because it's your job...
Me: No. My JOB is to spend one hour a day teaching you what you need to know about Algebra 2. Nowhere in my job description does it say that I have to stay after school to help students who choose to not pay attention in class.
Student: It's your job to help me.
Me: I DO HELP YOU! EVERY DAY IN CLASS!
Student: But I don't get it.
Me: YOU DON'T LISTEN!
Student: So can I come after school?


According to my blog stats, lots of people in lots of different countries around the world read this blog. In fact, this blog has been read about 10,000 times since I started writing it. Granted, 9000 of those times were probably by my parents, but to the other 1000 people out there: Got any ideas?? I need help.

Those 9th graders...

Ninth grade just left. It really is a good thing that I have a whole period off every day after they leave. I need that time to recompose myself and to try to find beauty in the world again.

We've been learning about graphs of rational functions (crazy looking graphs that have multiple parts), and they've really exceeded my expectations. I thought it would be a huge struggle for them to understand this material, but it hasn't been. They had a quiz today, which I gave them very specific instructions for yesterday. I told them I would give them ONE rational equation, and that they would have to graph it. I said they would be doing it on a half sheet of paper, so they should make sure they have paper with them. I said that if they wanted to do it on graph paper, they could, or if they wanted to do it on loose leaf and draw the graph, that was fine too as long as the graph was neat. I told them to show all their work, especially since the whole quiz was only one problem. I told them that they had 10 minutes to complete the quiz and so they should be prepared and on time. I don't know what else I possibly could have told them short of giving them the actual equation that would be on the quiz.

They have a 10 minute break right before class every day. This is time to eat a snack if they're hungry, go to the bathroom, check in with teachers about any missing assignments, etc. There is a 2 minute warning bell before the end of the break, and students should head to class at that time.

Back to today. Quiz. 10 kids. The final bell rang. Two students walked in late, which for some bizarre reason is a regular occurrence. I told them to sit down and get ready for their quiz. I noticed that one student was rummaging around in my desk. I told her to please get away from my desk and return to her seat. Her answer was, "I need a ruler". Based on my history with this class, I assumed she was not the only one. So I asked the students, "Who needs a ruler? Raise your hand." Six hands went up. I went to my desk, took out six rulers, and passed them out. I saw several students with whole sheets of paper on their desk, so I reminded them to use a half sheet. Some students complained that they didn't have any paper, so I told them to get a half sheet from a friend. Then they whined that the paper wasn't torn in half nicely and they wanted a new half sheet. Ugh...

Two other students decided they needed a ruler, so I went back to my desk and handed them rulers too. One student realized she had left her calculator in my classroom yesterday and asked for it back, so I got that for her. Another student suddenly yelled, "OH NO! I FORGOT TO TURN IN MY HOMEWORK!" which, of course, was echoed by 3 or 4 others. So they all stampeded to the back of the room to turn in their homework, lest it be counted late. By the time they actually started the quiz, they had 4 minutes left of their allotted 10 minutes. I wrote the problem on the board, reminded them once again to graph the equation and to show all work. One student got up and started walking around the room. I asked where he was going, and he replied, "I need a pencil". They got a brief lecture on being prompt and prepared because they are, after all, in high school now, and I don't feel that it is wrong of me to expect them to be able to successfully complete basic tasks. They all said, "Yes, miss" and worked on their graph. I noticed that still THREE students were using a whole sheet of paper instead of a half sheet. I made them start over with a half sheet.

By that point, my hands were shaking from the frustration, and I was doing my best not to scream through gritting teeth at my precious little angels. In an effort to be nice, I generously gave them 2 extra minutes to work on their quiz, but even at the end of that time, nobody was finished.

So I made them turn in their quizzes anyways. They whined and complained about the injustice of it all. Five quizzes were turned in with no name on them. Two were turned in on full sheets of paper.

Tomorrow we will be trying this quiz again. I am giving them a second chance to be on time to class and to come prepared. We'll see how it goes, but I'm not holding my breath...

And oh yeah - they whined about having to do the quiz twice. Even though I'm pretty sure everyone failed today, they don't want to do the work again. One student even said, "But every time I do good on a quiz, you don't count it! This isn't FAAAAIR!!"

I've never once not counted a quiz grade.

*forehead palm slap*

Doaku

Tuhan,

Taruh kasih dalam hatiku.

Amin.

What Gets Me Through

Found the best website for teachers today. Find it HERE.

The picture below is my new favorite thing. I just try to imagine that Ryan Gosling is telling this to me personally.

Word of the Day

Here's the word of the day. Just TRY to say it.

Adzdzikri.

That's right! Adzdzikri.

Although it's not so much a word as the name of the mosque next to one of my favorite noodle restaurants (they make their noodles by hand!). But still... I wonder what it means.

I'm A Mean One

Sometimes I think that if I were an innocent bystander who just happened to be bystanding in my own classroom watching a non-bystanding version of me teach, I would probably think that I am a very mean teacher. Especially if I happened to be bystanding while I am teaching 9th grade.

Take today, for example. Algebra 2 had a test. I helped them review yesterday and told them all the material they needed to study for the test. They should in no way have been unprepared. Yet the first 10 minutes of class went like this:

Me: This is the non-calculator part of your test, get out everything you need, but put your calculators away. *I begin handing out test*.
Fred: Can I ask a question?
Me: Yes?
Fred: How do we simplify logarithms?
Me: Too late. Should have asked that one before the test started.
Fred: Oh, man!
Gerald: Is this test open book?
Me: Nice try.
Gerald: Open notes?
Me: Shush. Bill, why is your calculator out?
Bill: For the test.
Me: It's non-calculator.
Bill: Oh. *doesn't move*
Me: Is there a part of "non-calculator" that you don't understand??
Bill: No. *doesn't move*
Me: Put your calculator away!
Bill: Oh. Right. *puts it away*
Me: Al, why are you sitting next to Joe? You know better. Move to a different seat.
Al: I was here first. Make Joe move.
Me: AL. MOVE.
*I finish handing the test out*
Aditya: TEACHER, CAN I HAVE A RULER?!
Me: SSSSHHHH! Where is your ruler?
Aditya: WHAT?
Me: Where is your ruler?
Aditya: WHAT?
Me: Never mind... *take him a ruler* Next time you know there are graphs on a test, bring your own ruler please.
Aditya: Mine got lost.
Me: Then get a new one.
Aditya: BUT..
Me: ...NO! I don't want to hear it now. Work on your test.
Elizabeth: For number 8 do we have to explain our answer?
Me: Does it say to explain?
Elizabeth: No.
Me: There's your answer, then.
Stan: Can I borrow a calculator?
Me: It's non-calculator!
Stan: I know, I mean for later. For the calculator part, can I borrow a calculator?
Me: Yes. Be quiet please.
Al: Can I have scratch paper to use??
Me: Use the back of your test so all your work is there.
Al: I don't want to.
*another student hands him a piece of paper*
Me: Does ANYBODY else need ANYTHING? You guys know that you need to have everything you need ready BEFORE the test. We have gone over this EIGHT TIMES BY NOW.
Aditya: This is only our seventh test.
Me: *dirty glare*
Ryan: For number 8, do we have to graph it?
Me: Did you read the instructions?
Ryan: No.
Me: READ. THE. INSTRUCTIONS.
Ryan: Ok, I read them. Do we have to graph?
Me: Do the instructions SAY TO GRAPH?!?
Ryan: No.
Me: Fine.
JiHyeon: Can I have some extra paper?
Me: NO!


Of course, this is the class that I had to teach to raise their hands if they have questions, to pick up all their garbage before leaving the room, to not turn in homework crumpled up in a ball, to not put rulers, calculators, pencils, etc borrowed from me in their mouths, to not eat in class, to not talk during tests, that "working together" does not mean "copying", which side of the paper is the front, to write their name on their work, to write in and on the lines, to bring a pencil and paper to class, and the list goes on.

Basically, every day, it is all I can do to not talk through clenched teeth with crazy eyes in this class. And would you believe - there are only 10 of them!

I have to say though, they have come a long way from the beginning of the year. This really is a huge improvement... So maybe I should be less angry?

Beautiful Words

First thing this morning, a half awake angsty 10th grader stumbles into my room with a plastic bag and says, "Here's some cheesecake. My mom sent it for you."

JESSSSSSSSSSSSSS!

Cheesecake for breakfast on a Thursday morning. How much do I love today?

There's a note on the box that says, "This cheesecake was leftover from last nite's dinner - Hope you enjoy it."

I'm feeling a lot better today. Still a lot of coughing and sniffing, but my fever is down, and I slept 9 hours last night. I made it to school yesterday too, but had to take frequent breaks and definitely still had a fever. I didn't actually realize that at first though - I thought I was sweating bullets because it didn't rain all day so it was hot out. I didn't realize how wrong I was until like 3 different people commented to me about how ridiculously cold it has been all week. I'm like, "Seriously? It's cold? Aw, MAN! I thought my fever was gone!" Oh well. At least I'm not cold like everybody else. I really don't like being cold.

Sick Days

Well, for the second time ever, I came home sick from work today. There’s something going around, and it hit me hard. I was up most of last night with major, major congestion coupled with a hacking cough, sore throat, and lots of sneezing. Today, my body ached so bad, I couldn’t stand up, so I was trying to teach while sitting in front of the white board. But I had enough of a fever, that I had goosebumps and was shivering for most of the day. I had a headache and a stomachache too, so I hadn’t eaten anything, which didn’t help. Basically, I was just miserable. I made it through two periods before I didn’t think I could take it anymore. All of our school administration was in a seminar today, so I couldn’t talk to my boss to ask permission to go home or to help me find subs. So before I could go, I had to make up sub plans, then hike all over the school trying to find people who could cover my classes. By the time I got all my classes covered and made it to the nurse’s office to ask for some medicine, my body was in so much pain that I just walked in the door and burst into tears. Good move, Abbie.

I’m extremely thankful for understanding coworkers. We’ve all been stretched thin this year, but I had to find four people to cover four different classes today, and not a single one hesitated to help out. I’m also thankful for an awesome school nurse who stocked me up on meds, prayed over me, then sent me home to rest. I’m also thankful for Ibu Sri who made sure my house stayed quiet all day long so I could sleep. Twice she offered me food and a massage, but both times I declined because I just wanted to sleep. I can’t believe I turned down a free massage… But I needed rest. I got home from school at about 10, went straight to bed, and slept most of the way until 3.

Aswan was sick like this last week. Thankfully, day 2 of what he had was the worst, and this was my second day of feeling crummy. By day 4, he was entirely healthy again, so I’m hoping that I’ll follow the same pattern!!

The Sermon

Generally, I don’t write about church on my blog. One of the annoying things about a public blog is that you really have to careful what you write about whom because you never know who reads it. So I’ll just generalize my Indonesian church experience by saying that it requires me to be on my toes at all times, theologically speaking. I have heard sermons that I have really learned from, and I’ve also heard sermons that someone totally pulled out of nowhere (but definitely not from the Bible). Indonesian church always challenges me to really think through what I’m hearing and to ask myself, “Is this what the Bible says, or is it merely was this certain person happens to think it says?” And if it is the latter, then I have to ask myself, “COULD it say this, or did they just totally pull something that sounded good out of left field?” Because that happens a lot around here. Pastors say stuff that sounds really good in theory but might not always be entirely accurate. I tend to take notes and then file them away. I have a whole section of notes entitled, “The Blasphemy Files”. It is the largest section of my notes. Oh, the stories I could tell… Granted, not all of what I hear is out and out blasphemy, but some of it might come pretty close.

Here, I’m going to share my notes from yesterday’s sermon with you, and you can decide what you think about it. Use your Bible knowledge. Is this sermon sound or not??

 

Intro – 2012 is a very special year, numerologically speaking. This is because there were 12 tribes of Israel. And because Jesus chose 12 disciples. Not 11. Not 13. Twelve. Twelve is a very important number, so 2012 is a very important year. Therefore, let’s look at Revelation 12.

Revelation 12:1 - 5 - A great sign appeared in heaven: a woman clothed with the sun, with the moon under her feet and a crown of twelve stars on her head. She was pregnant and cried out in pain as she was about to give birth.  Then another sign appeared in heaven: an enormous red dragon with seven heads and ten horns and seven crowns on its heads.  Its tail swept a third of the stars out of the sky and flung them to the earth. The dragon stood in front of the woman who was about to give birth, so that it might devour her child the moment he was born. She gave birth to a son, a male child, who “will rule all the nations with an iron scepter. And her child was snatched up to God and to his throne.  The woman fled into the wilderness to a place prepared for her by God, where she might be taken care of for 1,260 days.

1. OK. So. The woman is a symbol of Israel. And spiritually, I AM Israel.
2. The dragon is Lucifer.
3. The 1/3 of stars the dragon swept out of the sky represent the 1/3 of the angels that followed him in the beginning. He makes everything dark. There was a world created before the fall of Lucifer, but when he fell, he made everything dark and God had to start over. In the end times, by taking away the stars, he will once again make everything dark.
4. The child obviously represents Jesus.

Now look at Job 26:13.

Job 26:13 - By his breath the skies became fair; his hand pierced the gliding serpent.

Now jump to Isaiah 27:1.

Isaiah 27:1 - In that day, the LORD will punish with his sword — his fierce, great and powerful sword — Leviathan the gliding serpent, Leviathan the coiling serpent; he will slay the monster of the sea.

1. A leviathan is a type of dragon. We just entered the Chinese year of the dragon. CORRELLATION!

Now look at Psalm 89:8 – 11

Psalm 89:8 – 11 - Who is like you, LORD God Almighty? You, LORD, are mighty, and your faithfulness surrounds you. You rule over the surging sea; when its waves mount up, you still them. You crushed Rahab like one of the slain; with your strong arm you scattered your enemies. The heavens are yours, and yours also the earth; you founded the world and all that is in it.

1. Rahab in that passage is not the same Rahab that Joshua knew. Flip back to Isaiah.

Isaiah 51:9 -  Awake, awake, arm of the LORD, clothe yourself with strength! Awake, as in days gone by, as in generations of old. Was it not you who cut Rahab to pieces, who pierced that monster through?

So here is what we can learn from all of these verses:

1. Dragons are bad.
2. This is the year of the dragon.
3. Hence, there will be many natural disasters involving water this year.
4. In Hebrew, the word Rahab means pride. Lucifer fell from Heaven not because he stole something but because he was prideful.
5. In 2012, God will deal with people’s pride.
6. Pride means an inability to confess your sins or to apologize and ask forgiveness.
7. Since dragons are good in Chinese culture, many children will be born this year. It is believed that children born in the year of the dragon are stronger and will be prosperous.
8. This will be a year of blessing.

Furthermore, here are some more correllations and conclusions we see:

1. The dragon mentioned in Revelation 12 is a red dragon.
2. In Jewish tradition, the color red represents the North Pole.
3. Hence, global warming will be a problem this year.
4. Expect the melting of the polar ice caps, disastrous floods, and tsunamis.
5. Look back at Revelation 12. Women receive salvation because they give birth.

Now look at Matthew 16.

Matthew 16:15 – 18 - “But what about you?” he asked. “Who do you say I am?” Simon Peter answered, “You are the Messiah, the Son of the living God.” Jesus replied, “Blessed are you, Simon son of Jonah, for this was not revealed to you by flesh and blood, but by my Father in heaven. And I tell you that you are Peter, and on this rock I will build my church, and the gates of Hades will not overcome it.

1. Peter in Greek is Petra, which means “a safe place”. God’s kingdom is a safe place.

 

In the margins of my notes, I have scrawled other random things he managed to insert.

1. I DECLARE FINANCIAL BLESSING UPON YOU!!
2. If you’re searching for a church that is a good fit for you, you’ll find that no church fits BECAUSE YOU’RE THERE. (Basically, if a church stinks or if you don’t agree with that church, then it’s because you have the wrong attitude about it.)
3. Basically, we are all going to die in 2012.