I just had a deep thought.
It's really easy to focus on and hold on to the negative things that happen to us or the bad things that people do to us. Those things often feel like a burden or a weight that we carry. But what about the good things? Why are they so easy to overlook? Maybe because they're not heavy. We don't have to carry them. We're not reminded of them. And so we quickly forget about them.
I've had the same motorbike helmet for the past four years. It's in pretty rough shape. Thankfully, it's never had to keep me safe in an accident, but it's been beat up pretty good anyways. When my friend, Melanie, moved to Kalimantan last month, she bequeathed me her much nicer and newer helmet. I forgot about it until her former roommate brought it over to me earlier this week. Today was the first time I wore it anywhere. It's heavier than my old helmet, and when I drive, I feel that weight. The weight of her goodness.
I wore that helmet today to drive out to Pak Kur's village. I spent the day with him and his family. While I was there, a neighbor lady that I've never even met went out to the tree in her front yard and picked a whole bag full of rambutan fruit for me to take home. Then, as I was getting ready to leave, Pak Kur's wife gave me roughly 15 pounds of rice. I had plans to meet up with some girls from church for karaoke, and by the time I left the village and drove back in to town, there was no time to go home. So I went straight to karaoke. And from there, we walked down the street for dinner. And the whole way, I felt ridiculous carrying about 20 pounds of rice and rambutan in plastic bags with me. It was so heavy! It was the weight of their goodness.
I don't think anyone in the world understands me the way Melanie does. God brought her into my life at just the right time, and I'm so thankful for her friendship. And nobody has adopted me into their family the way Pak Kur has. I'm thankful for my Indonesian family that takes care of me, almost overzealously at times.
I don't want to be the kind of person who doesn't see the good in life. And I'm thankful that I got to carry those heavy things today to remind me that even when I don't feel it, I am blessed in a million and one ways.
3 comments:
Way to make me cry... I've been thinking about this lately too. Not so much the heaviness of goodness, but of goodbyes. They're so hard, but the fact that they are difficult means that we've loved and been loved. Thanks for making it hard for me to say goodbye.
This makes me cry..
You know, i've been thinking quite a long time the meaning of 'home'
How you define the word 'home' now when you have to leave Indonesia? Or how you 'divide' your heart between your home country and Indonesia?
That's a hard question, Amy! Because I've spent so long living in 2 different cultures, it's hard for me to feel like either place is fully "home". I was SMSing a friend yesterday and I told him, "Sbtr lg ak mw pulang". He thought I meant to America, and told me not to go! I wrote him back and told him my home is here now, and if I say "pulang", I mean I'm going back to my apartment, not so far as America! And I think that's true now. My family and friends are in America, and I love them dearly. But my life and my home are here now. Maybe someday I'll leave. I don't want to think about that right now though. Because yesterday was the first time in 5 years that ak bisa mengakui klo tempat ini memang jd home bt aku.
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