I apparently need to get more fat

my FAVORITE black v-neck shirt has been missing for about a week and a half now. can you say disaster? since we share a helper who does laundry for all 3 of us, i checked with my 2 neighbors to see if my shirt somehow got mixed in with their laundry. they both searched their lemaris (wardrobes) and found only things belonging to them. except for martha found a pair of black spandex leggings that we have no clue who they belong to... odd.

in this process, i noticed that both my neighbors had unmade beds. and i asked them both, "doesn't ibu sri make your bed?" they both replied in the negative and asked me, "does she make YOURS?!" yup. every day. crisp and tidy with the comforter turned down. obviously, i am her favorite. (just kidding. but now this is a mystery. how come she makes my bed but not theirs??)

since the shirt never turned up, i left a note this morning asking ibu sri if maybe she had seen it, complete with a sketch. when she delivered our lunch to school, she stopped by my classroom to chat. translated, our conversation went something like this.

ibu: excuse me?
me: oh, ibu! please, come in!
ibu: thank you!
me: how are you?
ibu: stressed!
me: oh, no! why?
ibu: i've been trying to find your shirt!
me: oh, i'm sorry, ibu! if you don't know where it is, don't stress out about it.
ibu: oh, it's ok. i already found it.
me: really?? where?
ibu: in martha's lemari.
me: haha... that's funny.
ibu: why?
me: because yesterday martha looked through her whole lemari and didn't find it.
ibu: well, that's probably why it was so messy then. and your shirt is little. like a sock. it was hard to find.

bahaha... ibu always comments on my weight and how i'm smaller than both my neighbors. this one really cracked me up though! "your shirt is little. like a sock."

oh...

and the snake has a new permanent home in a giant cage in the back yard of the girls dorm. the tape came off its eyes without incident. and it will spend the next week or two digesting 2 very fuzzy rabbits, much to the dismay of some. we are also sending around a petition to change our school from the mountainview eagles to the mountainview pythons.

toothpaste

it's a bad morning when you finally realize the reason your toothpaste makes you gag every day is because it reminds you of the smell of goat afterbirth.

on a completely unrelated note, i HATE indonesian toothpaste with a fiery passion.

ular update

so here's the story. one of the guards was patrolling by the soccer field next to my house in the wee hours of the morning. he found the giant snake and radioed for backup. pak kur and pak sariman came. with a broom. pak kur got bit. but it didn't leave too big of a mark. after they caught it, they wrapped electrical tape around its snout to keep it from biting anything else.

school decided to keep the beast. all 10 feet, 20 pounds of it. in the dorm. the GIRLS dorm of all places. they're building a cage for it.

but last i heard, the tape around its snout had somehow slid up and over its eyes, so now there's concern that if they remove the tape, it could blind the snake.

stay tuned for updates.

this reminds me of one time when i was in my early teens... i was mowing the lawn and ran over a garter snake. i really like snakes. and i felt pretty bad about it, because i basically took off the upper third of the snake's head. i left it there, thinking it would die soon. that night, when i went out to feed the goats, i found the same snake curled up in the barn. it was a pretty chilly night, and i was so guilt-ridden that i picked up the snake and stuck him down the front of my shirt with his head poking out my collar until he died. i had a very odd childhood.

words to live by. and etc.

indonesians are pretty famous for pimpin out their vehicles. especially public transportation and cargo vehicles. if there’s not a half-naked representation of catwoman airbrushed on the side, there’s probably some kind of quote or ridiculous decal. one popular one that i’ve seen on trucks says, “cintaku tak sebesar muatanmu”. it means (roughly translated), “my love is not as heavy as the load you carry”. sometimes there’s just curse words in English spray painted all over the sides because they think it’s cool.

but i saw my all time favorite one outside town last week. it was a small cargo truck hauling a load of dirt. handpainted on the tailgate was, “jadi berkat. hidupmu bahagia di mata Tuhan.” it means, “become a blessing. your life is a joy in the eyes of the Lord.”

speaking of joy, i discovered one of life’s small ones yesterday after church. soto (chicken and rice soup) made with santan (coconut milk). ohmyyyyyyygosh. sogood. new favorite breakfast. aswan has been telling me about this tiny hole in the wall place (it has 2 rickety tables and smells like sewage) for awhile now, and we finally made it over there yesterday. we had 2 bowls of soup, he drank iced tea and i had orange juice. we also had potatoes, eggs, and tempe on the side. grand total? $1.50. we will definitely be eating there again.

oh! one more thing! i got to work this morning and people started asking me, “did you see the snake??” so i tracked down this alleged snake, figuring it was some big fish story. it was not. the guards caught it at 4:30 this morning outside my house while i slept soundly. they had thrown it in a big barrel and set it right inside the front gates so they could show it off to everyone as they came to school this morning.

it’s a python, which is nonvenemous. thank goodness, because it bit pak kur (one of my favorite guards) when he caught it. what is even more frightening than the fact that they caught this one is the fact that these things tend to travel in pairs. i made a comment to someone earlier that i can just imagine this guy’s twin chillin on my couch, snacking on my cats, maybe catchin up on some gilmore girls... *shudder*

is this a sign from God?

i live in a building that has 3 apartments all on the same level. two years ago, a student gave us a wonderful surprise by planting flowers all along our front sidewalk. unfortunately, many of them have since died and other plants have sprung up in their place. the other day, i was walking down our sidewalk, and i noticed something unusual. take a look.

1. this is what my neighbor martha has growing outside her apartment. what remains of the flowers.

2. this is outside my neighbor hannah’s place. some really cool potted plants that she has accumulated over the years.

3. this is what is growing outside my apartment. an onion. and i have noooooo idea where it came from.

am i upset by this? no. in fact, i am rather happy. i would prefer to have something useful growing in my front yard anyways.

a new take on an old idiom

so i found out why my pastor is gone so much. there are two churches in a nearby town that don’t have a pastor, so 2 weeks each month, we send someone from our church to preach in those churches. anyways, that’s beside the point. right now, pastor sam is in australia, so yesterday, pak filemon was sharing from daniel. he was giving some background info about how daniel and his 3 friends were captured by the babylonians and how they were brainwashed. he was being pretty brave and trying to use english. it came out as “they were wash brain!” i thought THAT was pretty funny (once i realized what he was trying to say). but it got even better.

just for kicks (or perhaps for some more serious reason), he decided to read some of the verses from daniel 1 in english. particularly, verse 8. i have no idea what version he was reading from, but it came out as “but daniel made up his mind not to defile himself with the king’s food and wine...” to really drive his point home, pak filemon gave the following explanation (in indonesian).

“now, when i read this verse, i was wondering what ‘made up his mind’ meant. and i did some research. and the phrase ‘made up’ comes from the phrase ‘make up’. and do you all know what makeup is? (and most people did because while there is a word for makeup in indonesian, a lot of people – especially young people – just call it by the american word, makeup) so what is makeup for? well, if you want to look sexy, you might put on a little lipstick (and he acted it out. puckered lips and all). or if your eyes are too narrow and slanty, you might put on some eyeliner to make them look bigger. and if your nose is too flat, there’s even makeup to make it look pointier!! so you see, to makeup your mind is to menyelaraskan (to make something suitable) your mind! and daniel made up his mind.”

yesssss..... that is EXACTLY what that means.... i speedy quick wrote a note to explain to aswan (sitting next to me) that to make up your mind is an idiomatic phrase that really has nothing to do with makeup. it means to decide. i just needed someone to chuckle with. it worked. so then we were both sitting there trying not to laugh out loud while pak filemon dissected the english language. good times...

no, thanks

*11th grade student raises his hand in trig class*
me: yes, jihyun?
jihyun: could you turn around please....
me: uh...
jihyun: ....and hold really still.....
me: uhhh....
jihyun: ....and it might hurt....
me: WHAT?
jihyun: ....a lot.
me: no. i will not.
jihyun: why not?!?


gee, i wonder.

well, that doesn't add up...

aswan and i were visiting a family from our church the other day, and in typical javanese fashion, we were seated in the ruang tamu (guest room - the first room you walk into when you enter a javanese house. usually the most furnished room in the house) and served tea and deep fried snacks. typically, the snacks are like chips or fried fruit. this was a first - fried mushrooms! though they were insanely greasy, they were delicious! especially since it was going on 8 and we hadn't had dinner yet. the wife made them herself and would like to start a small business selling them but doesn't really have the right equipment to do it. before we left, she brought us a whole bag of the deep fried mushrooms to take home with us since we liked them so much.

wife: here, take these with you! i have so many!
aswan: oh, no, you really don't have to...
wife: no, i want to! and besides, she likes them. i can tell.
me: yes, ma'am! these are delicious!
wife: oh, thank you!
aswan: how big is this bag??
husband: a quarter of a kilo.
aswan: so if you went into business and sold these, how much would this bag cost?
wife: 15,000 rupiah (about $1.50)
husband: but in bali, they are WAY more expensive!
me: oh yeah? how much?
husband: 60,000 a kilo.
me: ooooooh.....?
aswan: *gives me the "drop it" look* well, maybe you should sell them in bali then!
husband and wife: *grinning broadly* yeaaaaaah.... maybe someday!

my boyfriend, ever the diplomat.

walking

when you own a motorbike, it's easy to forget the joys of walking everywhere. to get in touch with that long forgotten aspect of days gone by (and also because i was a little stir crazy and needed some exercise) i went for a nice long walk last night out through some villages and back home again. i realized that i've been taking my new form of transportation for granted. i do enjoy walking, but i had forgotten about the leering men with their scooter gangs parked on street corners saying things like, "what is your name?" and "i love you, meester!" and creepy men trying to sell me "meatball" soup (i use the term "meat" incredibly loosely) and little children hiding in trees screaming racial slurs at me in javanese. they don't really mean it as a racial slur, it's just the only word they know for a white person.

the good news is that back when i used to walk everywhere, i didn't know any racial slurs to yell back at them, especially not in javanese.

but now i do.

so the trees yelled at me.
i yelled back at the trees.
the trees went deathly silent.
i stopped.
i started to get worried.
did i really offend them?
then the trees erupted in laughter.
and i kept walking.

lost in translation

aswan: *pokes me in the armpit* MOUSTACHE!!
me: WHAT?! moustache? i just shaved!
aswan: oh. i think i meant ARMPIT!

aaaaaants

apparently, indonesian ants are very health conscious. i learned this on my walk to school this morning when i found a discarded and spilled vitamin supplement drink being swarmed by ants.

no wonder they stay so industrious! those ants, always looking out for their health.

of course, it probably doesn’t hurt that the supplement is honey flavored...

well, this seems a little ridiculous

Today's consular warden message [with added commentary].

Warden Message: POSSIBLE VIOLENT DEMONSTRATIONS DURING TERRORISM TRIAL IN SOUTH JAKARTA

February 11, 2011

The terrorism trial of Abu Bakar [seriously? his middle name means "grilled"?] Ba’asyir is scheduled to begin on February 14 [just in time for valentine's day] at the South Jakarta District Court on Jl. Ampera Raya, No. 133, South Jakarta (just south of Kemang). A heavy police presence is in place [you're missing a comma] but large, possibly violent demonstrations and major traffic disruptions are expected [wait. this sounds like jakarta every day]. Court proceedings are expected to occur 1 or 2 days per week for about 3 months [is this normal? why don't they just get it over with? possible violent demonstrations for THREE MONTHS?]. U.S. citizens should keep informed of trial dates by monitoring the news media. Wide-screen monitors will be set up outside the courtroom to accommodate spectators, who are likely to include supporters of Abu Bakar [i feel like this is LARGELY contributing to the problem. oh, i know, let's give the terrorists a front row seat to the trial. flash of genius!]. During past trials, there has been violence at South Jakarta District Court. During the September 2010 murder trial of two criminal gang members, three persons were hacked to death [hacked?!? WHAT?!] and three policemen were shot in a clash outside the court. All U.S. citizens are urged to avoid the area of the court by taking alternate routes. [no plans to travel to jakarta in the next three months, thank goodness.]

[way to go, judicial system of indonesia. sounds like you've really thought this one through.]

sometimes you just know.

you know it's gonna be a hot day...
when you wake up sweating at 6 am.

and you know it's gonna be a long night...
when the jaga (guard) is already so bored that he's whistling celine dion songs to himself somewhere alone in the dark outside your house before 8 pm.

gee, i HOPE that was the jaga...

he's learning!

the first time i ever ate a meal alone with aswan was the time we were supposed to take a motorbike trip to jogja with some friends, but every single one of them backed out at the last minute. it was before i really knew him too well, but we both had some things we needed to get there, so we decided to go anyways. we stopped for lunch at a soto (chicken and rice soup) place in boyolali.

in indonesian culture, you don't talk while you eat. you eat. to talk would be to distract someone from eating, and that's just rude.

so as we ate our very first meal together, we did so in silence. i've actually gotten pretty used to this aspect of indonesian culture. i don't like to be interrupted when i'm eating these days. i mostly just scarf my food down. but having come from the boisterous family dinner time culture that i did, it was really rather awkward to sit across the table from a guy i didn't know too well but was kinda sorta starting to like and eat in total silence. really rather QUITE awkward. can't imagine why...

later on, in some conversation or another (still before we started dating), that meal came up, and i told him how awkward i had felt. and to do that, i gave him the background of my culture by telling him that one time my family was laughing so hard together at the dinner table that dad fell out of his chair and mom got mad at him.

there are some things that we are decidedly indonesian about in our relationship. but in this one area, aswan has decided that he wants to be more american. whenever we eat together, if we eat out or if we cook at home, everything else gets set aside at dinner time and we have a conversation with our meal.

for me, it hasn't really been a conscious thing. i haven't had to make a concerted effort to talk at dinner. it's my culture. aswan doesn't sit there and pump himself up every evening with some sort of "ok. i can do this. i can talk AND eat" pep talk. it just.... happens. we talk. about anything. about everything.

i didn't really realize how serious his commitment to this new way of life was until monday evening. sunday, while we were in semarang, i bought the dvd of the tourist. i really wanted to watch it, and where i come from, watching a movie during dinner is a special treat (mostly because i think mom was afraid we'd dump platefulls of food all over the living room carpet. the dining room table with its plastic cover was obviously a much safer meal location for children). so i asked him, "hey! do you wanna watch the movie while we eat?"

without missing a beat, his answer was, "baaaaaabe. of COURSE not. we have to talk!"

life's a process

step 1: get hungry before bed.
step 2: what to eat?
step 3: BROWN SUGAR CINNAMON POPTARTS THAT MOM SENT FOR CHRISTMAS!
step 4: sadly take the last pack out of the box in the cupboard.
step 5: open the package.
step 6: marvel at all the tiny ants that are swarming inside the package all over MY poptarts.
step 7: sigh dejectedly.
step 8: notice that large chunks of MY poptart are missing.
step 9: ask the ants, "how long have you been in there?!"
step 10: bite off a corner of the poptart to check for rottenness or extreme staleness.
step 11: decide it's not too bad.
step 12: pull the toaster out.
step 13: scare a gecko hiding behind the toaster.
step 14: ask the gecko, "where were you while all this was happening?! why are you not doing YOUR JOB, gecko?!?"
step 15: sigh again and shake the poptarts.
step 16: proceed as usual.

oh, dear

email from our school superintendent today:

"We have heard today that there was religious violence in the area of Temanggung today. The reports we have so far say that some cars/motorcycles and churches were burned and/or damaged and a few people were injured. We are researching the situation to make sure we monitor what transpires and will keep you informed if there are changes that impact our situation here. The location is in the area of Magelang."

i've been hearing about this from friends throughout the day as well. from what they say it was police cars/motorcycles that were burned/damaged as well as the courthouse, and 3 christian and catholic churches have been burned or otherwise destroyed and the pastors beaten. the group doing this is known as fpi (islamic defender front), a radical group of muslims.

it's an hour and a half from my house. please pray for this situation.

hey.

guess what?

the sun shone ALL DAY TODAY!
and it was WARM.
and i ate a can of PEACHES for dinner!

and only just now is it starting to rain a little.
just in time for bed.
there is no sweeter lullaby.

new years of china

we didn’t get chinese new year off here at the international school, even though it’s a red letter day in indonesia. there are a LOT of indonesians of chinese descent, so the chinese new year is pretty huge here. there were lots of parades and dragons and good luck rituals and foods to ring in this, the year of the rabbit. i did catch some glimpses of the festivities (which went on for days). a dragon parade went through a mall i happened to be at in semarang two days ago. and i also found this in the mall -

“found” might be a bit of an exaggeration though, because really, who could miss it? it’s a 2 story tall rabbit! oh, and the banner he is holding says, “fortune rabbit”.

a lot of the elders of my church are chinese indonesian, so they thought it would be great if we all wore red to church yesterday. indonesians are really into dress codes for special events. red makes my skin look green, but i pulled out my one red shirt for the occasion. after church, we all ate traditional chinese party foods. i actually hadn’t tried these before. they were kind of.... surprising...

they came wrapped up in banana leaves, and the first one i opened looked and felt like a giant wad of snot. i am not even kidding. it was nasty.

i quickly opted not to eat with my fingers for fear i’d never get it OFF my fingers, so i grabbed a spoon instead. on my first go with the spoon, i effectively got it completely STUCK. but once i managed to nail the technique and get over the texture (mind over matter), it was quite tasty. really sweet.

when i opened my second banana leaf, i was pleasantly surprised to find something slightly less.... congealed. i ate this one with my fingers, and it had meat inside! what kind of meat? i don’t know, and sometimes it’s better not to ask. it tasted quite good.

the accompanying drink was the one part i wasn’t able to make it through. i drank about half before realizing that it had what appeared to be either chunks of beef or mushrooms floating in it. oddly enough, that wasn’t what deterred me. the problem was that it was really really overly sweet. too sweet for even me. two thumbs up for the snacks! one thumb down for the drink that could have used 1/10 as much sugar.

HALLELUJAH!

THERE IS SUN!!!

actually, there was some hazy sun yesterday when i woke up for church at 7, but in the 10 minutes it took me to shower, it disappeared completely. and yes, mom and dad, i can now shower in 10 minutes or less. amazing, huh?

but this morning, there are BLUE SKIES and SUNSHINE! i can feel my gloominess burning off... we'll see how long it lasts. but seriously? - first sun spotting in a week. i'll take it!

hopefully this means it'll be a little bit warmer today too. my weather-weakling-self has been wearing long pants and long sleeved shirts layered with sweatshirts to school lately, and my home attire has been knee socks, flannel pants, a hoodie, and a fleece blanket on the couch. basically at any given time in the last week, i had a minimum of three shirts on.

yeah. i live on a tropical island. just south of the equator.