why i love children

So I have these married friends named Charles and Marie. They have two kids - Joshua (7) and Bethanie (4). I also have a friend/fellow teacher, Ashley. Last night, the 6 of us piled in Charles and Marie's vehicle and went to dinner. After that, we stopped at a store so Marie and Josh could go in to pick out a birthday gift for Josh's friend, Ryan. Charles, Ashley, Bethanie, and I remained in the car. The following conversation ensued.



Ashley: Hey, Bethanie, did you know that she has a baby?!

Bethanie: Nuh-uh! A baby?!

Ashley: Yup, a REAL baby!

Bethanie: Well, where is it at??

Ashley: She has to keep it in her bag.

Bethanie: Can I see it??

Ashley: No. It was premature, so it can't be around people. It has to stay in the bag.

Bethanie: Oh. Well, what's it's name?

Ashley: Yeah, what's your baby's name?

Me: Uhmmm.....

Ashley: Junior!

Me: I call it J.R. for short.

Bethanie: Well, I think its name should be...... ummmm...... collar!

Me: Oh, that's a GREAT name, Bethanie! Thanks!

Bethanie: Can I see it now?

Ashley: No. It has to stay in the bag. The light hurts its eyes.

Bethanie: Oh. Is it a boy or a gill?

Ashley: A girl. What color do you think she is?

Bethanie: Pink.

Me: Of course. Babies tend to be.

Ashley: What color do you think her hair is?

Bethanie: Green.

Me: I gave birth to a troll!

Ashley: Bethanie, what color are her eyes?

Bethanie: Green.

Me: To match the hair, naturally.

Ashley: How many fingers does little collar have?

Bethanie: Ummm....... (counts fingers on one hand)....... FIVE!

Ashley: And how many toes?

Bethanie: (Takes off one shoe and counts) FIVE!

Me: Oh, dear.....

Ashley: And Bethanie, what color do you think the baby's tongue is?

Bethanie: Green.

Ashley: What do you feed your baby??

Me: (Shrugs) Bethanie, how many noses does my baby have?

Bethanie: Two.

Me: And how many hairs?

Bethanie: Five.

Charles: (Rolls down the window. The car was getting stuffy.)

Bethanie: NO, POPPY, NO! YOU'LL BURN THE BABY'S EYES!!!!

Charles: Oh.... sorry..... I forget. (Rolls window back up)

Me: (Wincing from the screaming) We should whisper so we don't burn her ears too.

Bethanie: (whispers) OK. I have to pee.

Charles: (whispers) Let's go......

(They go into the store. Soon, all 4 of them come out together)

Bethanie: Where's the baby?! Show mommy!

Marie: Ummm.... yeah.... Bethanie came running in the store yelling that 'We had a baby in the car!'"

Me: Oh. Well, I'm sorry Bethanie, but I had to give her away.

Bethanie: Why?

Me: Well, a lady came by who didn't have any babies, and I felt sorry for her, so I gave her collar.

Bethanie: Oh.

(10 minutes elapses with us discussing various other things)

Bethanie: What was the lady's name?

Me: Huh?

Bethanie: The lady who has collar.

Ashley: Britney Spears.

Bethanie: Oh. Ok.

(A few more minutes passes)

Bethanie: Is she nice?

Me: Yes.

Ashley: She even has overnight privileges with her own kids now!

Bethanie: Good. Ok.

Marie: You know she's going to talk about this all night now, right?

Me: You're welcome.