Dear mom and dad,

Within the next 8 – 10 business days when you get get the two pound bottle of hair gel that I had shipped to your address and you wonder to yourself, “Why on earth did our daughter buy a TWO POUND bottle of hair gel online?”, I want you to look at the photograph below and think two things.

1. Wow, look how attractive she is. She really knows how to work the camera.
2. Is that her real hair, or is she wearing a wig? Because her real hair is usually much larger and poofier and lion-like than that. Hmmm. I bet it’s a wig. But if it was a wig, why would she need to order a two pound bottle of hair gel? Do you put hair gel in wigs? I doubt it. Thus, this must be her real hair, and this particular hair gel must work MIRACLES. I will give it to her younger sister to pack in her luggage to deliver when she goes to visit in July.

All my love,
A