you have turned...

so i have this friend who has an undisclosed name.
he is a new Christian.
he is learning.
he is growing.
he is discovering God.
today i was talking to him online.
when it was all over, i was once again amazed at God.
and how He takes the bad.
and uses it for good.

our conversation:

23:34 B: Hey kid.
23:34 Me: hihihi
23:35 B: How are you doing?!
23:35 Me: just found a kid cheating on a test.
he knows i know. waiting for him to do the right thing.
23:35 B: Discipline?
23:35 Me: i will break his legs.
23:35 B: Appropriate.
23:36 Me: i thought so. he knows better.
23:36 B: Win some, lose most, I guess.
23:37 Me: maybe. how's life?
23:37 B: I'm alright. How is yours?
23:38 Me: better than most, it's fair to say.
23:38 B: I guess you could say that.
23:41 B: I need to learn about forgiveness.
Really the forgiving myself part of it.
I am going through that lately.
Just need to work on it.
23:44 Me: how do you work on something like that?
23:45 B: I don't know.
I was going to talk to other Christians about it.
A better answer to your question of how I am doing - I am working on that.
With great struggle. I have no idea how to forgive myself. I am pretty hard on myself.
23:46 Me: what do you need to forgive yourself for?
23:47 B: Something gross.
Disgusting.
Sick.
Rough.
Nasty.
Filthy.
23:48 Me: are you ok? that sounds real bad.
23:48 B: Dirty.
I have no idea.
23:49 Me: well. is this something that is entirely in the past?
23:49 B: Yeah.
23:49 Me: have you told anyone about it before? like with specifics?
23:50 B: Yeah.
23:50 Me: and did they forgive you?
23:50 B: I don't think they were in any position to?
23:51 Me: well, then maybe you need to find someone in your life who this DOES effect. talk to them. and let them forgive you. maybe you need to be shown forgiveness before you can really forgive yourself?
23:51 B: You are entirely right.
23:52 Me: i think that sometimes people just need to know that the things they've done are forgiveable.
i bet that's one of the top 10 reasons people avoid God... they think that He can't forgive them for what they've done.
23:53 B: Ah.
That is probably true.
23:53 Me: anyways, sorry if i'm preaching. you didn't ask for my opinion.
23:53 B: I think we both know I was looking for it.
23:54 Me: well, I know that i can tend to give my opinion where it is not always wanted.
23:54 B: I wanted your insight.
23:54 Me: i don't really have any.
23:55 B: You had more than I did.
23:55 Me: has God forgiven you?
23:57 B: I have no idea what that is even like.
Other than that He has for everything before it even happens.
23:57 Me: i don't think that's true.
23:57 B: Which part?
23:57 Me: that He forgives you before it even happens.
23:58 B: Oh, I don't know where I heard that.
23:58 Me: well, i'm not a theologian. but i think you have to ask for it first.
23:58 B: Sounds right to me.
23:58 Me: and not in a "i know what i did is wrong, and i'll probably do it again tomorrow, but you have to forgive me now anyways because you're God" kind of way.
00:00 Me: but more in a truly broken way, knowing that you are coming to the Man who created you out of a piece of dirt with His bare hands.... and you are telling Him your deepest, darkest, dirtiest, filthiest secrets and asking Him to forgive your wrongs and forget your sins. and then knowing that because He is God and He is Good, He WILL.
maybe it's like this kid i caught cheating. i have a good relationship with him. i love him. he's mostly a good kid. i already know he cheated. and he knows that i know.
now i'm just waiting for him to tell me. to come and make it right. if he doesn't, this is going to be hanging over our relationship. i'll still love him. but it won't be the same. there will be this thing in between us. this distrust. this half-secret.
but if he comes to talk to me... and tells me what he did and that he knows it was wrong... how much better would that make the situation? of course i'll forgive him. i WANT to forgive him. i'm ready to right now. but i feel like i can't until the wrong has been made right.
00:05 B: That is a wonderful way of putting it, I think.
00:05 Me: i think i'm suddenly glad that he cheated.
00:05 B: I know I am.
That kid dealt me a solid.
00:06 Me: yeah, well, when i break his legs, i'll be sure to tell him.
00:06 B: Thank you very much for talking.
00:06 Me: anytime.
thank you for sharing struggles with me.
i will pray for you.
promise.
00:06 B: Thank you very very much.
00:06 Me: be good, yeah?
00:07 B: Yes, ma'am.
Thank you so much.
I am thankful for you.
Thanks for talking.
Have a lovely day.

*note of clarification*
with this student who cheated....
i gave him today to come talk to me about what happened.
but he chose not to.
and so that means that tomorrow i have to confront him on it.
and it's gonna be hard.
because i'm emotionally involved.
i'm disappointed that he did it.
and i'm just as disappointed that he didn't come to me about it.
especially since he knows that i know.
it makes the situation different.
it makes me see him differently.

i would appreciate prayers.
yeah.