Two Wrongs Do Not Make a Right (But Three Lefts Do).

Me: BOYS! Hands to yourselves! So violent today...
Boy: I hit him because he hurt my finger first!
Me: Two wrongs does not make a right!
Boy: Okaaaaaaay.
Other boy: What?! Two frogs does not what...?

A New Compliment

"Your ears are nice." - 9th grade boy

The Village Pastor

I had a bad week. We had our secondary student retreat. And it was great. For the students. But it was a slap in the face for me. SO much work went into planning and organizing it, and I was looking forward to spending time with my students outside the classroom. But I felt like retreat this year was 36 straight hours of discipline issues. There were times I didn't even get to eat meals because I was dealing with student behavior. For 36 straight hours, I felt devalued, disrespected, and like my presence at this school is unessential. I stayed awake in bed last night wondering to myself if this will be my last term here. I was exhausted. I was worn out. I was emotional.

Some people from my church are planning on doing a service day in early September in a small mountain village about 1500 meters up from where we are. Today we did a survey trip to meet with the village pastor and discuss some of our ideas with him.

I've been to a lot of villages, several of them mountain villages. The people up there are... different. They look almost aboriginal, with very dark skin, flat noses, wide set eyes, and prominent lower jaws. They are almost all farmers, living in near poverty. While they may claim one religion or another, animism also tends to hold a prominent position in just about every mountain village I've encountered. And they are, for the most part, uneducated. Girls often drop out of school and marry after completing the 6th grade. It's not that there is no desire for education. It's that there are no schools.

But even with knowing what I know, I wasn't prepared for today.

I wasn't ready for them to tell us that there are no teenagers there. Not a single one. Because none of them want to live the lives their parents have. They move to town either to work or to try to scrape together enough money to go to middle school or high school.

I wasn't ready for them to reveal that every man in that village cheats on his wife. It's just the way things work there.

I wasn't ready for them to tell us that every single person in that village is living in debt. Because when their crop fails, they take out a loan to live on. But then they take out another loan to pay off the first one. Then another to pay off the second one. And it turns into a vicious cycle with growing interest rates that nobody knows how to break free from.

I wasn't ready to see how defeated Pastor Ishak was. He has given so much of himself to that village. He knows he is dying. And he fears that the church there will die with him.

I wasn't ready for the tears streaming down his wife's face as she shared with us how she faithfully prays and fasts for the people of that village, but how in 35 years, she's seen no growth.

Pak Ishak and his wife have been working, giving, and serving in that village for 35 YEARS. When we asked them to tell us something positive about the village, both of them just looked at their laps silently.

But they remain faithful to God and his plan, because they believe that they have been called there for a reason and that God will be faithful to carry that to completion.

So today was my second slap in the face this week. Because if Pastor Ishak can be faithful through those circumstances for 35 years, who am I to throw in the towel after 36 difficult hours?

Proof of Life

Hello, all!

Sorry I've been delinquent in writing for several months now. The vast majority of people who read this are friends and family in America, and I got to be with you this summer, so I never felt the need to update online. For those of you who aren't in America and/or I didn't get to see over the past few months, I'm sorry for not keeping you updated on my most recent escapades.

Once I get a chance to sort through and edit all my summer pictures, I'll try to do some little (or let's fact it - probably not-so-little) blurb on what I did this summer.

At any rate, it was a VERY good and refreshing summer. SO good, in fact, that it was hard to leave, and I struggled a bit in my readjustment to Indonesia. 

I came back just four days before Idul Fitri, which was probably not the smartest idea. I basically came back to the worst traffic you can imagine, mosques blaring all day every day, bombs and fireworks being set off all night long, and other general festivities. That really didn't help me get over all my jet lag, and it also didn't help me have a good attitude about being back. 

I've been back for three weeks now though, and with a week of school under my belt, I think I'm finally settled back into the swing of things. 

I'm teaching 9th grade Geometry, 10th grade Algebra 2, 11th grade Pre-Calculus/Trigonometry, and 12th grade AP Calculus. So basically, I'm teaching math to our entire high school. We have several new students this year, and I think I've memorized all their names by now - even how to pronounce them properly (that's the hardest part usually)!

Anyways, it's Friday evening, and I'm grading stacks of homework... already. I just wanted to take a minute and let you all know I'm alive and well.

And thank you to everyone who made my summer home awesome. :)

Sunrise

Yesterday morning, verrrrry early morning, some of us got a little crazy and decided to wake up at 4:30 AM, drive to the next town, and watch the sunrise. It's basically the end of the school year, and lots of us will be leaving soon - for the summer or for good - so we're trying to make the most of the time we have left.

It was cold and dark and damp and foggy. But it was a fun morning. And I took some fun pictures. And I haven't posted any pictures on here for awhile. So I will post these pictures on here now.

Please be jealous of what a beautiful place I get to call home.

      

Coro

Wanna hear a gross story?

Graduation was yesterday. I was a tiny bit late getting out the door, so I threw my shoes on fast and started walking up to the high school. Something felt a little funny, but I didn't pay much attention to it. Until I got into the auditorium and parents and friends and families and students were coming in, and I was ushering them to their seats. Kind of. I was mostly just greeting people and letting them know which seats were for families of seniors and which seats were for everyone else.

Then I thought to myself, "Why does my foot feel all wet and sticky?" (FYI, this is a terrible question to have to ask oneself.)

Naturally, I took my shoe off to check. There was a freshly dead cockroach, mostly whole, but slightly smeared across the bottom of my foot. His legs were definitely stuck between my toes.

This was problematic, as I was still greeting people, now on one foot and with one shoe in my hand. One of my sophomores came in, and I pulled him aside, showed him my predicament, and asked him to bring me roughly 1000 tissues. He came back in no time at all with a huge pile of them, which I was able to use to wipe most of the nasty off my foot (and out of my shoe) with. Then I carried on as usual.

Wanna hear a better story?

I WILL BE ON A PLANE TO AMERICA IN ONE WEEK!!!!

I feel like I have SO MUCH to do between now and then! More teacher meetings, cleaning out my entire classroom, organizing all my files, checking in all textbooks, shopping for gifts, arranging money for summer bills, finding someone to take care of my bike and my cats, arranging airport transport, getting my exit permit and passport in order, packing...

I have faith it will all get done. And if it doesn't, then oh, well. Because I'm OUTTA here!

Goodbye, cockroaches...

Recommendations

A student just this week decided to apply to SIX different Korean colleges. So guess which teacher is frantically filling out recommendation forms and writing recommendation letters?

THIS TEACHER!

Just came across this gem though, and I'm not really sure how to answer it.

"Please specify any additional or useful information related to the applicant's educational background or the high school's peculiarity for better understanding the applicant."

High school's peculiarity? I've written dozens of recommendation letters, and I've never seen this one...

HAPPY THOUGHTS

DAY ONE OF FINALS DOWN!

And today has been good news after good news and accomplishing so many things and lots of coffee and good food and going home from work early and spontaneous ice cream dates with ninth graders and ah... Monday gets such a bad rap. But why?

Things That Make Me Cry Like A Baby on A Friday Afternoon

Being a math teacher, I don't get to see a whole lot of student writing. I mostly see lots of little numbers all over lots of loose leaf pages, and if I'm lucky, they boxed the numbers that are their answers.

We have been having some ongoing honesty issues in the 9th grade class this year, and last week there was kind of a culminating event where the entire class participated in doing something they knew was against the rules and then tried to hide it. Unfortunately for them, I had figured out what they were up to, and I was lying in wait.

So I gave them a very stern talking to about the importance of honesty and integrity and how they had broken my trust. They mostly laughed it off.

This concerned me. Even more than their lack of regard for respect and honesty, they couldn't take the situation seriously and they didn't see any need to apologize.

So I talked to my principal about this. I wondered if there should be further action on my part to help them see that their sneakiness and dishonesty really is a big deal. He decided that HE would come address them and that they would have a classwide detention to give them time to reflect and write a letter of apology.

In the meantime, I also constructed a letter to them which I posted on our class page for them to read, just addressing how their actions made me as a teacher feel disrespected and how important it is to take responsibility for your actions and apologize. I tried to make it very clear to them that I care about the young men and women they are becoming and that their character is far more important to me than their math grade.

Anyways, today, I received all of their apology notes (they served the detention with another teacher yesterday). I honestly wasn't expecting a whole lot, given their initial reaction of laughing off the situation.

I severely underestimated them. Writing is SUCH a powerful tool. These kids expressed things to me that I didn't even know they were capable of feeling! By the end of the first letter, I was crying like a baby.

Excerpts include (and keep in mind all but one are ESL students):

"I can't pick up my spilled milk, but I believe I can wipe it off and clean it. Will you forgive me?"

"Thank you for sending that letter. Through that letter, I finally admitted what I did wrong. You helped me admit my dishonesty and lead to confession to God. Thank you."

"Thank you so much for loving us. I never want you to feel disrespected when you deserve so much respect and love from everyone."

"Your hair lips eyes and everything else - they are perfect."

"I will make sure we trust each other from now on and have a fabulous relationship."

"You've done so much for us, and yet we disrespected you. But in the midst of it all you loved us and had so much patience toward us. Thank you so much."

"I literally cried reading the letter because it was such a Beyonce move, like the whole thing was so flawless. The letter didn't bore me and at the end it was Niagara Falls in my house because the letter is that intimate. I respect you so much on so many different levels and your amazing and literally flawless and full of sass."

"ILYSM"

"You care for us, you love us, but I have to admit that I hadn't respected and acknowledged your time and love."

"I am thankful that I have been given a time to reflect and change my path before it actually becomes a habbit."

"I am looking forward to mend this trust and make it stronger than before."

"Thank you for all the teaching and love you gave to me."

"Thank you for caring about us. Thank you for not ignoring the fault you see in us and taking the time and effort and heart to fix it. I see it as an act of love."

"Apart from being a teacher, you are a great unni (older sister/girl)!" - From a Korean girl :)

"I know we broke your heart, but I hope you can trust us again."

"I have never written a letter in English, so I am not sure if I am expressing my feelings in a right way, but I really want you to know that my apology is really sincere and is from my heart. We all love you as much as you love us."

GAH! These kids! They are so precious, and I love them so much...

ANT INVASION

It is ant season. The time of year when rainy season changes to dry season and the ants move indoors in an attempt to find fresh food and (most importantly) water. This is also the season when they chew through the rubber fridge seal to give themselves 24 hour access and eat through plastic bags/packaging to get to whatever is inside. It doesn't even matter if the contents are sweet or not. They're in there. NOTHING IS SAFE.

Last night, I came home from Bible study (yes, Bible study two nights in a row. I'm so holy, right?) and everything looked normal. Then I felt really restless and I decided to go for a run (for the first time in.... maybe 2 years?). I made it almost a mile. In like 20 minutes. So yeah. That happened. And then I came back inside. And found...

ANTS EVERYWHERE. Like really. Walking in waves across my kitchen floor. Climbing the legs of my kitchen table. Climbing all of the cabinets, swarming in the sink and on top of the oven. They weren't even going to one specific place. They were EVERYWHERE. It was like some terrible low budget horror movie that everybody would be mildly grossed out by but not really scared of.

So I grabbed a can of Raid (bug poison) and thoroughly doused my kitchen in it. Then I realized that that may not have been the most sanitary idea. But the ants.... So I kept going. Until the entire can was gone. But there were still ants swarming all over the doors of my upper cupboards. So I filled a spray bottle with VINEGAR. It was all I could think of in a pinch. And it worked!!

I went to bed and left the writhing ants all over the kitchen. And I woke up this morning to find thousands more picking up where last night's crew had left off! I sprayed vinegar until I thought I was going to die of vinegar inhalation, which also happened to be the same time that all of the ants appeared to already be dead of vinegar inhalation. Then I opened all the doors and went to school. Ibu Sri is used to cleaning up my carnage by now. Bless her heart.

I Ate a Puppy: And Other Interesting Happenings

I was reading some article on the internet yesterday about how Obama once mentioned that he ate dog as a child growing up in Indonesia. Several people commented, saying how barbaric the practice is and how they can't believe they ever voted for such a heartless beast.

Well, get ready for a shocker, American friends.

I EAT DOG TOO.

In fact, I had it for dinner last night.

To be honest, it's not usually a food I would choose if there is other stuff on the menu. I LIKE the taste of dog meat, and I like the spices it is traditionally cooked in. But if you've ever seen me eat meat, you will know how meticulous I am in cutting away every single piece of fat, gristle, and bone before I will eat it. Unfortunately, the typical way to cook dog here is to just hack it up into random cubes, then cook it in a bunch of dark colored spices, thus making it impossible to differentiate between the meat, the fat, and the bone (often sharp shards of bone). Most Indonesians just pop a piece in their mouth and suck on it until all the meat and fat is gone, and then spit the bits of bone out. Yaaaaa, even after 6 years of living here, I can't bring myself to do that.

But I was eating at a friend's house last night, and what was on the table was an entire platter of dog. So I ate the dog. And if you think I am crazy or gross or heartless... well, that's fine. I'm not going to eat YOUR dog.

The reason I ate there last night was because we were having Bible study there. A man who used to be Muslim but converted to Christianity came and spoke. I honestly only understood about half of what he was saying, because he used Javanese (rather than Indonesian) a lot of the time. At one point though, he was talking about how when he was younger, he studied to be a dukun (witch doctor). And he turned to me and said, "What is your name?" I told him (for the fourth time), and he proceeded to say, "Dukuns don't like you. No. Because they have no power over you. They don't know how to curse you. They can't do it." I don't really know where that came from, but it was good to hear, I suppose. I am uncurseable.

Conversely, my church has been on this huge kick lately of using Americans as examples of immoral living or of what NOT to do. For example, last week, the sermon was on not using the Lord's name in vain. And the pastor used the example (based on movies he had watched) of how Americans commonly use phrases like, "Oh, my God!" And that is wrong and in direct violation of God's law.

Obviously, what he is saying is true. That is a common phrase in American English. However, it also has an equivalent in Indonesian and Javanese, which I hear equally as often. So why are we picking on Americans?

The worst time was several weeks ago when the person preaching started talking about how God values relationship. "OK. Agree so far." But the world we live in today has greatly devalued intimate relationship. "Mmhmm. Still going strong." In America, they even have such things as sperm banks! "Uh, where is this going?" The reason is because American women want to have babies, but they refuse to commit or submit to a man. "NO." They want the reward without doing any of the work. "WUT?"

As the only American - and the only white person - in my church, AND a female, that was a tough sermon to sit through. I really have no idea where all these Indonesian pastors are getting their information from. But it is about to drive me crazy. I hope this trend ends soon. And I hope that I am living in such a way that the other people in my church know that not ALL Americans are the way they are portrayed from the pulpit.

And one more sad news before I get to the fun stuff. I recently learned that I live in a country where proselytizing a child carries a heavier prison sentence than molesting a child. How does THAT make sense?

Now for a few lighter oddities.

Indonesian children LOVE flying kites. I see them everywhere. Since Indonesians tend to not have yards, most kids fly their kites in the street. I've always wondered what would happen if the kite was nosediving and the string got low enough to the ground right as a motorist drove by. And how fast would a vehicle have to be traveling in order for the kite string to decapitate someone who clotheslined themselves on it? Well, IT FINALLY HAPPENED.

No, I did not decapitate myself. But I clotheslined myself IN THE FACE on a dumb kite string. You can't see those things! They're so fine! But it hurt my nose and jerked the string out of the hands of the kid holding the reel. I was even wearing a helmet! I will now be much more cautious around children flying kites in the street.

And speaking of things hitting me in the face while driving...

I went out last Saturday evening. It was already dark when I left, and not too far from my house, I was distracted by a man standing beside the road. Now, a man is not an uncommon sight. I mean, I live on the most densely populated island in the world. But THIS man... this man was wearing cowboy hats and boots and was blowing bubbles. A 60 YEAR OLD MAN. On the streetside! I was trying to wrap my brain around this when all of a sudden, I hit a rainstorm. But it wasn't really a rainstorm. It was a BUBBLE STORM! I was driving through a storm of bubbles, and they were hitting me in the face, popping on my cheeks!

After I made it through, I thought to myself, "It's a good thing I didn't crash. Because nobody would have believed me when I explained why."

Last week, we had Monday off of school, but  Ibu Sri (my helper) came in to work. I sat around my house and chatted with her while she did all my chores (just kidding), and she told me about how just the week before, she had been cooking when a 2 foot long snake slithered out of my bedroom and into the kitchen!! That would have been the same week I found a snakeskin laying on the sidewalk in front of my house. Then yesterday, I came home from school to find a note from  Ibu Sri warning me to be careful because earlier that day, she had left  my house for 10 minutes and when she came back, she found a "big enough" snakeskin laying out front! So basically, there is a large snake stalking my house. That is fantastic news. If one of my cats goes missing, I guess I'll know why...

One more story - last week, I got a FIVE PAGE LETTER. From a former student! I just want to point out how awesome this is. Because how many of you ever intentionally kept in touch with your high school math teacher when you were in college? None, am I right? This is such a special place, and I have such great kids, and I am already turning into an emotional wreck at the thought of them leaving. GAH.

(Also, I would like to give a shout out to my grandma and sister who also sent me handwritten notes last week! You guys are awesome too!)

OKbye.

Lost In Translation

I have this student who sometimes drives me crazy with his obsessive need to sound polite and British. Yeah, it's a strange mix. I like to play with it a little bit from time to time... Anyways, this conversation totally happened this week.

Student: Might I please visit the porcelain dispenser?
Me: That depends.
Student: On what, may I ask?
Me: What will it be dispensing?
Student: Um... er... bodily waste, I suppose you could call it.
Me: So wait. The toilet will be peeing on you?
Student: *flustered* No, um, WHAT?

(For the record, I did let him go in the end. After I made him ask to be excused to go to the bathroom.)

I Feel the Need

I feel the need to write something. I'm not sure what to write. Almost all of my thoughts - and even dreams - lately have been tied up with transition. Finishing the school year. Going home. Doing everything I need/want to do this summer. Then coming back. And a new school year starting. It's going to be a whirlwind, and I want to be as ready for it as far ahead of time as possible.

I spent last Sunday in Jogjakarta buying gifts for everyone I could fathomably get to see in America. Like, I was there for 15 hours. But I got all my shopping done in ONE DAY. One glorious, maddening day. I just treated it like Christmas Eve. But then I got nervous about my baggage allowance and how I might not even get to take any clothes back with me if I bring all these gifts. So I put everything I bought in one heaping laundry basket and weighed it. Just under 50 pounds. I still have half my luggage left open. This is good news.

I feel like I can't get ahead at school. Our accrediting organization is doing a big official visit next school year, and there is TONS of documentation and stuff we have to have ready for that. And we waited until now to start working on it. So every time I feel like I'm ahead, 20 committee meetings get called and more gets piled on. I haven't even started thinking about finals yet, and they are less than three weeks away. WUT?

I'm also translating a book trilogy from Indonesian into English, and my goal is to have the first book finished before I leave. I also did an engagement photo shoot for a couple from my church this past weekend, so I need to sort and edit all of those pictures. There is also so much stuff that I do at my church that I need to hand off to other people for the time I'm gone.

Long distance travel is kind of like a garage sale. It seems easy in theory. Slap some prices on your junk and wait for people to come buy it. Throw your clothes in a bag and hop on the correct plane. Simple. But once you get into it, you realize there are 100 little details that sometimes aren't so little that you never considered, and trying to take care of all those details will take charge of your every waking moment until the big day, when you will wake up with a sick stomach and just pray that you did everything you needed to do because now time is up.

That is how I feel about travelling. It is obnoxious and I really hate it. But every once in awhile it is oh, so worth it. I can't wait to be home.

How the Actions of One Affect Us All

You may have heard the news about William James Vahey who has been making headlines lately as one of the most prolific child predators. Like, ever. He was under investigation by the FBI until he committed suicide last month.

As the FBI conducted their investigation, they discovered that even though he was arrested in 1969 for child molestation, he continued to work in the field of education until March of this year. He did that by obtaining jobs teaching overseas. He worked in nine different countries over the span of 42 years - 10 of which were spent right here in Indonesia, at the biggest and (arguably) most prestigious international school in the country, Jakarta International School (JIS).

This horrifying discovery comes on the back of another. Before the world even found out about William James Vahey, reports were going viral about cleaning staff at JIS sexually assaulting an expatriate Kindergarten student. And more have since stepped forward.

Our school has no ties with JIS. We are not accredited by the same organization. We do not compete against them in sports. Our respective staffs don't attend the same education conferences. No connection. At all.

But what is happening there is directly affecting us.

Because they are an international school. And we are an international school. And now, understandably, everyone suddenly has a million questions and concerns about how we do things at international schools.

We are all now under scrutiny. The police and the government are using microscopes, checking to make sure that we've crossed our Ts and dotted our Is, that we have all of the proper paperwork and permits, that every single staff member has had a thorough background check in every country, that our national workers are all wholesome people with no criminal record, that nobody employed by our school has ever accidentally sneezed and farted at the same time. OK, maybe not that last one. But just about.

And honestly, in a country where we are by and large the minority in almost every way, that makes me nervous. Our staff is great about making sure everything is on the up and up. We have checks and crosschecks and lots of accountability. We have all of our required permits. We've payed all of our required fees. We have all had background checks. And that is great. But if just one person forgot to sign on the dotted line, that could be used against us.

We've been told to expect a "surprise" visit from the minister of education and the press sometime this week. They haven't shown up yet. But they're coming to get statements, to check all of our documentation, and to question our elementary cleaning staff.

Yesterday, all teachers were briefed on the situation and what to do if approached by the press. While we were meeting, the school board also came into town to talk to the entire national staff. I found out later that their meeting was to affirm our faith and trust in them. That no matter how much they are questioned or investigated, we believe in them.

Hearing that made me so happy to work here.

Every morning on my way to school, I walk through the gym. And almost every morning, there are elementary kids in there who come early to play together before class. And almost every morning, Pak Budi, our elementary cleaner, is in there playing with them. He can't even communicate with most of the kids, but he comes early to work to spend time with them, and they love him to pieces.

And I am hoping extra hard right now that nothing changes that.

A Gem

I haven't written for awhile. Things have been busy. But here is a gem from Geometry class today to tide you over.

Student: There are seven things the Lord hates! One is stealing. One is lying. One is cheating on your brother.
Me: Your brother?
Student: .... or sister? Cheating on your sister is also bad.
Other student: That sounds like an awkward family situation...

Surprises

I woke up Monday morning to discover that I had eaten something terrible on Sunday. My entire digestive system was angry, and I came 15 minutes late to work. A great start to my week.

I came home Tuesday afternoon and saw that the handle to my front door had been busted in half. How does that even happen?

Wednesday I found out that our administration is considering sending our entire teaching staff to a conference in South Korea for four days in November. Wouldn't that be amazing?! Now if only I could sit still for longer than 30 minutes...

This morning I woke up to find a two foot long snake skin laying outside my front door. Ominous.

Can't wait to see what Friday has in store.

Indonesian

I did a couple of blog posts awhile ago showing how some words in Indonesian have funny translations in English. I thought they were hilarious. If you didn't, then go away.

Since then, I've been saving up words to make another post. Every time I think of one, I make a note in my phone.

So without further ado, here is Indonesian: Part 3 (I think).

English - Indonesian - Translation
Ball pit - mandi bola - ball bath
Puppy love - cinta monyet - monkey love
Nonsense - omong kosong - empty talk
Syphilis - raja singa - lion king
Cell phone - hanpon - hand phone
Casket - peti mati - dead box
Alley - jalan tikus - mouse road
Goodbye (for little kids) - dada - breast
Yield - beri jalan - give road
Handkerchief - sapu tangan - hand broom
Fundraiser - cari dana - look for money
Mentally handicapped - sakit jiwa - soul sick
Bible - Al-Kitab - the book
Common cold - masuk angin - wind entering
Fried egg - telur mata sapi - cow's eye egg
Humble - rendah hati - low heart
Funeral - penghiburan - a comforting (which is also the same word for entertaining)
Train - kereta api - fire wagon
State - negara bagian - country part
Inhale - tarik nafas - pull breath
Pirate - bajak laut - sea plow
Toothpick - tusuk gigi - tooth poke
Birthday - ulang tahun - repeat year

I don't know why these are so amusing to me. I think it's just that they say so much about the culture they come from. I love language.

April Fools

I am always nervous on April Fools Day. I myself am not a big fan of pranks, but I spend all day every day with a group of ridiculous adolescents (whom I love dearly) that would not hesitate to jump at any excuse to do something terrible to their teachers.

Thankfully, I didn't find myself at the receiving end of any foolish tricks this April Fools. But I didn't totally miss out on the festivities. I actually ended up pranking myself a few times.

It was one of THOSE days.

My April 1st began with me accidentally turning my alarm off instead of hitting snooze. I woke up 30 minutes late and in a panic. APRIL FOOLS!

I also woke up to find literally (and I don't use that word lightly) thousands of ants swarming my bedroom floor. Unfortunately, I was in such a rush to get up that I didn't notice them until I had walked all the way across my room and noticed my feet felt wet. APRIL FOOLS!

At school, a girl showed up to class wearing a baseball cap pulled low over her face and a jacket with the hood up over the baseball cap. Thinking this must be the setup for some horrible class-disrupting prank, I required her to remove the sweatshirt and baseball cap in class. Turns out the poor girl actually had  a swollen black eye that she was embarrassed for anyone to see, and she almost burst into tears when everyone noticed and started asking if she was OK. Joke's on me. APRIL FOOLS!

I was asked to deliver a message to the librarian (who happens to be a good friend of mine), and so during my planning period, I headed up to chat with her a minute. I ended up being asked to remove myself from the library by a fellow teacher who claimed I was "disrupting the students trying to work". However, upon inspection, every single student was wearing earbuds while working, so I'm not really sure who I could have been distracting. But that other teacher is a real stickler, so for the first time in my adult life, I got myself kicked out of something - the library of the school I work at, no less! APRIL FOOLS!

Then, to top it all off, I got home from work and jumped in the shower. When I got out, I put my underwear on backwards. And didn't even notice right away. APRIL FOOLS!

Who needs pranks when I've got me?!

I've Created a Monster

One of the most annoying things to me is when students hound me after a test. "Did you grade it yet?" "Can I see my grade?" "When will you be finished grading?" "Will you post my grade today?" "Can you text me my grade as soon as you're finished?"

But really, it is my fault. When I was in college, I did a lot of procrastinating. I have a tendency to let things build up (for example, papers waiting to be written), and then when they reach mountainous proportions, I wallow in self pity and wonder why I ever became a student/student teacher/teacher/etc. This eventually turns into a resolute state in which I accept the task that is before me. That then turns into sheer stubbornness in which I neither eat nor drink nor have any fun at all until the entire job is finished.

When I became a teacher, I vowed not to live like that anymore.

And so I have developed what I consider to be a rather healthy habit of grading student assignments the day they are submitted. That's right. Homework gets graded the same day. Quizzes and tests get graded the same day. Students and parents get same-day feedback and I get to go to bed on time knowing that all of my work is already finished.

But students have come to expect this. And, as students have a tendency to do, they assume that my entire world revolves around them and I have no life outside of the four walls of my classroom. And so if I ever have pressing matters (like, oh, say... teaching all the other classes I teach) and don't get to a test IMMEDIATELY, the crowd becomes restless. And I become cranky.

Today was a perfect example of that.

BEFORE I EVEN WOKE UP, I had this message from a student:

"I was going to ask when your going to post the grade for geo."

Seriously?? (That is what I actually replied to him. I am not the best version of me first thing in the morning.)

I gave a geometry test last period yesterday. Some kids finished early and I tried to grade those tests surreptitiously while monitoring the rest who were still finishing. But most turned their tests in close to the 2:30 end-of-school bell. I was going to try to grade a few more after school, but the other math teacher came in and needed help with some lesson planning stuff. So I helped her with that until it was time for our weekly teacher meeting to start at 2:45. These meetings are usually over by 3:30, but yesterday's went all the way until 4:40. FUN. By the time I got back to my class, gathered my things, and got myself home, I had 40 minutes to make German chocolate walnut brownies from scratch for a 5:30 dinner event. I made it to dinner a tiny bit late and stayed there until after 8. After that, I had a SECOND dinner event (that I had already said I would come late to), so I headed straight over there and didn't get home until almost 10. I spent 30 glorious minutes enjoying my couch and putting my feet up before I headed to bed.

So now that you know how my day went, let me tell you the rest of this morning's conversation.

Student: I was going to ask when your going to post the grade for geo.
Me: Seriously?
Student: So can I go to your class in the morning and check the score maybe?
Me: No.
Student: What?? When you going to do it then?
Me: Hey.
Student: Yes?
Me: I have a life. And sometimes that life is busy.
Student: Fine. I will see it when I see it.
Me: I'll post it as soon as I have it. I'm not trying to hide it from you. It's just that I didn't get home until almost 10 pm yesterday.
Student: Oh wow. Your that busy?
Me: Not every day. But I was yesterday. So just try to have some mercy and patience, OK?
Student: Alright. Gotta go get ready for school.

^^A MONSTER! I've created a monster! They are so used to having instant gratification that they throw a fit when they don't get it! Also, they don't know the difference between your and you're! But that's not my problem...

Now, how do you destroy a monster of your own creation??

Step 1. Instead of grading Geometry tests before school, write a blog post about how bothersome students can be, knowing full well that you teach first and second periods and now won't have a chance to get to those darn tests until after lunch. MAKE THEM WAIT.

Step 2. Read Frankenstein and convince yourself that you and Victor would be good friends due to how much you have in common. "When he looks at the monstrosity that he has created, however, the sight horrifies him" (excerpt from the Frankenstein Sparknotes). 

Step 3. Um. I haven't figured this one out yet. But it seems like step 2 will take me a couple of weeks to finish, so I've got time.

How to Impress an English Teacher

So the English teacher was randomly hanging out in my classroom during AP Calculus. He is a very smart guy, and he was looking at what was on the board (using definite integrals to find the volume of solids of revolution) and trying to recall how to do it.

One of my students decided to help him out and sauntered up to the front of the room and began his explanation.

"OK, so you need to start by finding the second integral of a matrix written using the Soviet form of the 1950s. You use this matrix to locate the coordinates of the vertices of the four dimensional geometric solid. Once you have that, then you need to evaluate the dimension of the matrix using the formula ab + cd = ef. Got that?"

The English teacher looked impressed so far, but commented, "I didn't realize there was such a thing as a four dimensional geometric solid."

Without missing a beat, the student replied, "That's because this is Orwellian math. There's probably a lot you don't know about it."

It was priceless.