oh, blessed cellphone

so for the first time in my life, i have a cell phone that is actually nice. it takes decent pictures, and it holds 2 GB of music, which is nice since my ipod recently broke and even hotjaga couldn’t fix it for me. anyways, the point is that i just now dumped all the pictures from my phone camera to my computer. even i am amazed at the things i choose to take pictures of. and i decided to share them all with you.

indonesian bacon. at lunch one day. yum. or not.

BANCI! a crossdresser in jogja. dancing for money in traffic at a stoplight.

yup. those are all dudes.

bayang. shadow.

a really weird bug outside my house that i apparently thought was cool.

ASH CLOUD! i actually took this picture YESTERDAY. you can see an ash plume going up into the air on the left by the trees. this was on my walk to school. merapi, the erupting volcano, is behind merbabu, the mountain in the foreground.

my helper had some extra grocery money and bought me MILK this week! i have had at least one glass of fresh milk EVERY DAY this week! so yum. this is a rare treat.

opor ayam – one of my favorite meals – and milk. so enak.

boy cat is so snuggly. sometimes i feel guilty for being allergic to him. because he used to be wild. i made him snuggly. and now i don’t even let him in the house.

in an indonesian geography book i found. “washington” appears to be located in.... ohio? and there’s a chance LA has relocated to mexico.

in the same book. each red dot represents an active volcano. or a place where tectonic plates meet. i forget. either way, oh, hey, look – THAT’S WHERE I LIVE!

a book on famous philosophers. his real name – karl popper. i laughed pretty hard over this one.

i needed notebooks to give to some kids in this one village. the bookstore tried to sell me these. i just couldn’t do it. the small letters say “Pissy 2 (indicating plurality) baby is having fun.... they are starring at the rainbow.... it looks beautiful.... wanna join them?” i’ll pass....

oh, pirated movies.... it’s A. definitely A.

oh, wow.

i just got a piece of mail addresed to the "head of mathematics" of my school. i hadn't thought about it. i AM the head of mathematics. at the most prestigious international school in indonesia, or so i've heard.

that's right.
i am 24.
and i dominate.
: )

refreshing nights

last night, i had to dormsit until 9 pm. after i got home, i felt really restless, so i decided to go for a drive.

there's this spot i know of. it's just a little ways up the mountain. from this one spot, i can sit in perfect solitude and darkness and see the lights of my town pulsating in the valley below me. perfect solitude is hard to find on the most densely populated island in the world. but that's the one place i've been able to find it. and sometimes i just need it. i love being able to hear myself breathe. i love watching the lights. i love being alone.

so i went there. but for some reason, the lights didn't captivate me like they normally do. so i laid down flat on my back. and i saw the stars. i had forgotten about those. i so rarely see them.

and those stars.... they spoke to me. they told me how big my God is. big enough to hang every single one of them over my head and hold them in their place. but they also told me, in spite of His bigness, how much He loves me. and not that distant kind of love, but that He'll never ever leave my side kind of love. and yesterday, i really needed reminded of that.

and i laid there, flat on my back, halfway up a mountain in indonesia, listening to the frogs, the crickets, and the gentle pinging of my motorbike engine cooling down, completely alone for the first time in months.... and i cried. tears of sheer joy.

He loves ME!



i laid there for awhile, lost in my thoughts, talking to God, praying for friends, praying for this nation. and eventually, i started to get paranoid about tiger attacks. so i sat up. and all the tears that had collected in my ears (since i was laying on my back) now ran down my neck. bizarre feeling. my ears were crying. so i wiped my neck off with my sleeve and came home. it's about a 15 minute drive back down the mountain.

i pulled up to the gate and one of my favorite jagas already had the gate open for me because he knows the sound of my bike coming down the road. we had this conversation, more or less:

him: hey!
me: hi!
him: *leaning in closer to scrutinize my face in the dark* feeling pretty tired, ya?
me: what? no, not yet. it's still early!
him: *squinting his eyes and looking even closer* well, your eyes are pretty red.
me: oh....?
him: maybe you've been crying? hahaha....
me: oh... um.... actually.... yeah.
him: WHAT? why?!? *with an "i'm gonna kill the guy who did this to you" attitude*
me: well, when i left, i didn't know where i wanted to go. i was just bored. so i went to this spot (explained the spot to him). do you know it?
him: yeah....
me: and i just laid down and looked at the stars. and there's so many. and they're so beautiful. and God made them. and our God is just so..... big.
him: yeah.... *visibly relaxing a bit*
me: and i was just thinking about how He's big enough to make the stars, but at the same time, He loves us and cares about all of us. and i guess i just.... cried.
him: that's strange. *completely relaxed but now confused*
me: ya, for me... i don't cry that much! but it felt good. i'm HAPPY. God loves us.
him: *smiling broadly* yes, he does!

so i came in the gate and parked my bike. and as i was walking to my house, i glanced over at the guard shack, but noticed it was empty. when my eyes adjusted to the darkness, i saw him standing in the yard, just staring up at the night sky. did he see what i saw?

what is this?

i just got home from school. i'm here in my house. i have an hour before i have to be anywhere. and i have no idea what to do... this sitting down thing, it feels strange.

weary

weary is the word i would most readily use to describe the looks on the faces i saw in the refugee camps yesterday. technically, they’re evacuee camps. but most of these people have nothing to go home to... so i call them refugees. right now the government is saying they’ll probably be there for months. but they’re running out of money to take care of them all. i got to visit two camps along with my church. they had things pretty under control, so other than picking up garbage around the camps and talking to various people, i mostly spent my time there taking pictures.

it wasn’t at all what i expected. not like what you see in the news. there weren’t people openly in mourning or walking around with haunted looks on their faces. if anything, they are bored. they are tired. they are ready to go home.

and i can’t blame them. they, along with what few possessions – if any - they managed to grab before evacuating, are crammed like sardines into buildings too small to house them all. the first camp i went to had 2000 people staying in one pavilion-type building. there’s not room for all of them to sleep, so the men sleep in the parking lot and road in front. they have no blankets, no pillows. and for these 2000 people, there is one bathroom. wouldn’t YOU want to go back home?

2000 people. one room. if you’re looking at this picture and thinking that this looks like a lot less than 2000 people, you’re on the same page as me. i had to ask someone where everyone was. and he told me that a lot of the people, men especially, go home during the day to try and salvage what they can, rebuild, guard what’s left, and take care of any animals that haven’t been scorched to death already. they come back down off the mountain to sleep here at night.

makeshift shower! the outdoor faucet!

something interesting that i learned is that the evacuation zone right now is set at 20 km. this camp is 17 km from merapi. there’s noplace for everyone to go. the government can’t constantly be moving 200,000 people from place to place every time they expand the evacuation zone. one man whipped out his cell phone and was showing me VERY clear pictures he took from just about right where i was standing of the mountain erupting 2 days before. eesh. toooooo close. they said the day before i came, it was raining rocks in that town.

even the people who aren’t directly affected by merapi are having their lives changed... their backyards have been turned into refugee camps. the kids can’t go to school anymore because there’s hundreds of people living in the hallways and classrooms. the kids in the camps are bored out of their minds. there’s lots of babies, and all the old ladies are having a ball packing them around. it’s impossible to tell whose kid is whose in these camps...

something my church has been awesome about in these camps is bringing stuff for the kids to do, beyond just the basic daily supplies. they’ve brought tons of books, toys, puzzles, etc. i even found a whole box of rubik’s cubes at the boyolali camp! there’s a whole tent devoted to kids activities. you can see it in the very first picture.

we spent a large chunk of yesterday afternoon trying to give the kids something to do. there’s about 200 elementary age kids in this camp. not everyone was brave enough to join in the fun with ridiculous songs and dances, but those who did were REALLY into it!

before we left, we made sure that everyone had some juice and milk.

another group came later and brought dinner for everyone. and in case you’ve never had to cook rice for 2000 people, here’s what it looks like. this is earlier in the day at my church. SIX industrial sized pots. filled with rice.

me and a buncha guys from my church. the one with the thumbs up is salim, our worship leader. awesome guy. and yes, we were actually wearing our masks all day. we decided to take them off just for this picture so that our smiles could be seen!

after we finished at boyolali, we drove to the next camp in muntilan... as we were driving, the ash started falling REALLY heavily. and even as i was writing that last sentence, i accidentally wrote snow and had to go back and replace it with ash... haha. but that’s what it felt like. snow.

it piles up on the roads and makes them pretty treacherous. it reduces visibility. it gets all over the windshield. it falls on the trees until they fall down. we drove through one town where the power was out, most of the trees had fallen, and every store and house was shut up. it was like driving through a ghost town. very post-apocalyptic.

the camp in muntilan was a lot smaller than the one in boyolali. it only had about 500 people. it was also much more efficiently run and well supplied. they have a small kitchen set up there where they take turns cooking for themselves (rather than an org coming in and cooking or delivering food for them). they have bathrooms and places to put their garbage.

they’re all living in what used to be indoor badminton courts.

even with as well stocked as this camp is, they still don’t have any blankets and pillows for the 500 people sleeping on the cement floor.

boxes of medicine.

my pastor. with a very cheesy grin. haha...

even in the well stocked camps, they are still having shortages. just about every camp i’ve heard of has plenty of food and water. this country pulls together and takes care of its own... but some things have been overlooked. what they don’t have are pads for the women (as a female, i cannot imagine being crammed in a room with a thousand or more strangers all sharing one bathroom, getting my period, and not having ANYTHING hygiene-wise), diapers for the babies (they have some, but in lots of places, each baby gets ONE diaper per day), formula (indonesians generally don’t breastfeed, so the babies are running out of food!), blankets and pillows (in the refugee camps farther up merbabu, i’ve heard that people are dying because of the elevation, cold temps, and no blankets), and basic things like soap, aspirin, toothbrushes, etc. please, please, please keep praying that God will provide for these people. already i have been so blessed to see how much love and help has been given, but so much more is needed!

and to end with, here’s some faces of life in a refugee camp...

the volcano hasn't killed anyone for 48 hours now. i'm going to church then going with my pastor and some elders to some of the evacuee camps to spend time there helping and hopefully praying with them and serving in whatever way we can. please pray for opportunities to share and safety!

genius

ok, i've never made like a really bad language mistake here. i don't wanna brag or anything, but i'm basically amazing. actually, not even close. i get corrected a lot, but by the grace of God i've at least never done anything as humiliating as that one guy who used to live here who accidentally told his whole church he couldn't get up and speak in front of them because his genitals were too big.

but today.... it's a really good thing i was talking to someone i know well, hotjaga, or else this could have been really embarrassing. we were talking about what we can do to help over at merapi and what connections we have there and what is needed. and i was trying to say that i heard they need cooks for the kitchens - they have more than enough food, just not enough people to cook it - and people with nursing skills to do basic first aid.

perawat = nurse
perawan = virgin

guess what i said they need a lot of in the evacuee camps?

reasons why me and hotjaga are good friends - when i said that, without blinking an eye, he calmly corrected me, "perawat". i paused mid-sentence, mouth open, head cocked to the side, contemplating what he had just said versus what i had just said. and i suddenly realized my error and just grinned at him sheepishly. he grinned back and told me to keep explaining. moment over.

oya - i commented to marie earlier today that living in indonesia does weird things to your definition of normal. like we couldn't really hear merapi before, but all day today, it's been like canonfire from that direction. and it feels expected, normal. nobody is panicking. we hear a volcano exploding and it's business as usual. i think i was feeling tremors in my bed last night, and i slept tight, no bad dreams about violent earthquakes swallowing us all. last time i saw a demon, i woke up during the night and saw it standing next to me. i rolled over, said a prayer, and fell right back asleep. because when you live in indonesia, things like this just become a part of life. accept it and move on.

it’s raining...ash?

yup, that’s right. ash is falling from the sky. i can feel it hitting my face as i walk. i can feel it gritty beneath my feet and in between my toes. it gets in my eyes, in my nose, and in my mouth whenever i talk. hotjaga says it’s extra protein. i’m about sick of wearing my facemask. ugh. i managed to stab myself in both eyes with it this morning. an act of sheer genius.

here’s some other pictures that i’ve taken within the last thirty minutes or so...

a plate, just after walking across my front yard with it – approximately one minute. covered in ash.

no wonder my feet feel gritty!

 

various parts of my motorbike – parked under cover, by the way.

it’s starting to rain now. hopefully it will rain hard enough to wash everything off. if not, we’ll end up with ash mud.

and lest anyone think i’m complaining, let me assure you that the plight of my brothers and sisters on the other side of the mountain is never far from my mind... they have endured - and continue to endure indefinitely - far, far more than this little bit of ash i find here. we are very blessed in our continued safety. but please keep praying for indonesia...

still safe.

so in case you've been reading more news reports today and are worried, let me assure you that we are still safe, but are definitely being affected more by merapi. today, a huge cloud of ash washed over merbabu and into salatiga. i talked to people who actually saw the cloud of ash waft down the mountain. we spent most of the beginning of the day wearing masks. we all thought it was just really foggy until we realized the trees and plants were turning gray... and then we started smelling sulfur. it rained in the afternoon which is good for us, because it washes everything out, but bad for the volcano because it can apparently make future eruptions worse. i've discovered that i'm pretty allergic to ash, or it at least enhances my pre-existing allergy condition. but that is nothing compared to the fact that at least 50 people died today, many kids. that breaks my heart. the evacuation zone has been widened to within about 2 miles of my house. the government is running out of money to take care of all the refugees. tens of thousands of people have lost everything they ever owned.

part of the reason the death toll is so high is because men keep going back to try and salvage what they can from their homes and crops or to check on their livestock. the president was here yesterday and he told them not to do that and promised that he would give them all cows when this is over with. in this country that is full of corruption and empty promises, my first thought is that i will hate him forever if he doesn't keep his word about that to these people. and in this case, i'm sticking with my first thought. no hope is better than false hope and lies.

oya - we could see the ash plume from yesterday's eruption from my front yard. but, conveniently, i woke up 30 minutes late and was in such a rush to get to work that i NEVER EVEN NOTICED IT. how does that HAPPEN?! i feel like i must be the most oblivious person in the world, because i didn't even see a volcano erupting right in front of me. aish.

so now that i'm thoroughly depressed from reading the news, it's time for bed. praying for calm tonight...

oddly reassuring

i got home a couple hours ago from jogja, nestled nicely right at the base of mount merapi. ya, that's the volcano that's currently spewing itself all over java. we took breathing masks in case it erupted while we were there. it didn't. and i was kinda disappointed because it was under thick cloud/ash cover, so i never even saw the guy. not even a glimpse. but jogja was under a lot of ash. i got it rained on my head a few times. ick. i came home and promptly showered. anyways, that's not what i want to write about now.

i took public transportation there and back and ended up spending 6 hours of my day on 5 different buses. the last one from solo to salatiga was packed. like standing room only, and hardly even that. so stand i did. in a moving vehicle. for an hour and a half. crammed in the aisle with an inordinate amount of other people.

when i first got here, i had a personal bubble a mile wide. so i had a really hard time with the conversational proximity of people. and the standing in line together proximity. and the riding on the bus proximity. but now i find it oddly reassuring. in a country where i often feel starved for physical touch, i find that i sometimes seek a closeness with strangers. or at the very least, i soak it up. not to say that i let every leering guy on the street use me as his own personal leaning post, but there is a calm reassurance that comes from just standing in complete silence so close to a perfect stranger that you can feel their breath.

i think the bus tonight was especially nice because there was nobody creepy or leering nearby me. in fact, nobody really even seemed to notice that i was the only white person on the bus. for an hour and a half, i just got to enjoy the nice looking gentleman behind me resting his elbow gently against my shoulderblade as he held on to the bar overhead and the lady who ever so softly laid her hand on the curve of my waist to keep her balance as the bus sped up and slowed down far too rapidly. there was a middle aged lady standing in front of me. our feet touched and our legs were all tangled together as we each tried to create a wide enough stance to maintain something resembling balance. and then there was the guy sitting in the aisle seat beside me. he looked to be about my age. he had kind eyes and wavy hair. i was pretty squished up against his seat, so his entire upper arm was mashed against the side of my entire upper leg. eventually he fell asleep, and as his head rolled from side to side, it often came to rest on my hip. and every time, i had to fight the temptation to rest my hand on the top of his head and stroke his hair as one would a sleeping child.

even though the AC was cranked so high it felt like a meat locker and even though the driver started to brake approximately 5 feet before the point at which he needed to be stopped and even though we were weaving in and out of traffic, off and on the road, and even though there were 60 people crammed on a bus meant for 30, i don't think i can really find the words to convey how comfortable that hour and a half was. i kept catching myself smiling for no reason other than the sheer joy of that bus ride...

i never spoke a word to any of those people. but i feel like i know them. they are a part of me; their story is a part of mine. i feel connected to them, connected to something so much bigger than myself.

i never spoke a word, but then again, i didn't have to. because sometimes, a simple touch can mean more than all of the words in the world.

akhirnya!

finally! AN ARTICLE that agrees with my opinion of mbah maridjan and ISN'T hailing him as a national hero and a great man of faith. seriously, the guy killed 13 people...

HERE is another article with a lot of up to date news. we had 6 more eruptions today, bringing the grand total to 11. today was the first day for lava flow though.

this event has been good for my language. most of the news i've been reading/watching has been in indonesian, so i've learned fun new words like:
ash
eruption
volcano
corpse
burn wounds
lava
gatekeeper
spew
peak

**HARD TO SEE

here's some pictures i found on a facebook page for jogja earlier today... they give more of an idea of what exactly is going on there. this is 16 miles from my house. i warn you that they are kind of graphic and very heartwrenching...

(graves)

(a mosque)

(carrying bodies out of a village)

(mbah maridjan, the gatekeeper, who died while praying)

(an evacuation center. all those people are living in there now.)

drastic times call for drastic bedtime routines

i haven't actually consciously thought about this until right now as i'm getting ready for bed, but my new bedtime routine as of this week has become this:

put my laptop and camera underneath the kitchen table.
make sure all the doors inside my house are open.
make sure my water bottle is filled and right beside the front door along with a pair of sandals and a sweatshirt.
read job 38 - 39.
get in bed with my cell phone and my clothes on.
fall asleep praying that there's no volcanic earthquake tonight.

and again

the volcano was quiet yesterday but erupted twice again today. and again, i didn't know it had happened until i read about it.

THIS site shows before and after pictures of part of the slope... it's so different.

and HERE you can see pictures of the eruptions and the aftermath.

the photographer in me is aching to get over there. i feel like i'm missing out on the opportunity of a lifetime, photos-wise. but i teach all day, and it's been raining in the afternoons. also, it's not exactly safe to be over on that side.

the adventurer in me wants SO BADLY to see an eruption. that would be the coolest thing...

the heart of compassion in me is aching to get over there as well. my neighbors are dying. literally. and there's nothing i can do about it. i have a job. i have to be here. and even if i didn't, i'm not equipped with the right tools to be able to enter a volcanic disaster zone and make any kind of difference.

so what do i do now? eat opor ayam and rice.... read a good book (in english!) in my pajamas in my cozy new chair.... and keep on praying. because i don't know what else to do right now.

look, look...

bbc images of merapi

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-asia-pacific-11627431

i tried to go take pictures today, but by the time i finished at school, it was monsooning outside. dang rainy season. can't take my camera out in that.

The following is the chronology of the eruption from Tuesday afternoon until the late evening. All times are local times which equals to GMT+7.

1. 17:02: hot clouds appeared for 9 minutes
2. 17:18: hot clouds for 4 minutes
3. 17:23: hot clouds for 5 minutes
4. 17.30: hot clouds for 2 minutes
5. 17:37: hot clouds for 2 minutes
6. 17:42: massive appearance of hot clouds for 33 minutes
7. 18:00 – 18:45: A big roar heard from Merapi, observed from Merapi observation posts at Jrakah and Selo.
8. 18:10, 18:15 and 18:25: sounds of big explosion.
9. 18:16: hot clouds for 5 minutes
10. 18:21: another massive appearance of hot clouds for 33 minutes. From the observation post Selo, observers could see big flames with a column of smoke of 1.5 kilometers high.
11. 18:54: hot clouds and seismic activity began to subside
13. Hot clouds rolled down quickly toward West-Southwest and South-Sotuh East sectors

- http://www.news-worthy.info/indonesia-mount-merapi-erupted/1986/

so far i've heard of 18 dead. everyone is trying to find mbah maridjan. he's an ancient old guy who lives on the mountain and is the "gatekeeper" for merapi. his whole job is to watch the volcano. the spirits tell him when it's going to explode and people look to him for direction on when to evacuate. and sadly, the people are STILL waiting for him to tell them it's dangerous... even though it erupted three times yesterday. some women and children have evacuated to bunkers about 7 km away, but a lot of people are still there because they're afraid to leave their homes, farms, and livestock. and, of course, because mbah maridjan hasn't given the word yet. but last i heard, nobody really knows where he is... possibly dead.

i've also heard that the 3 eruptions yesterday released some of the pressure from within, but if the rest doesn't release slowly, we could be looking at a bigger eruption than anything we've seen for years. keep praying.

oh yeah....

it's erupting!

http://www.cnn.com/2010/WORLD/asiapcf/10/26/indonesia.volcano/index.html?eref=mrss_igoogle_cnn

i drove all over town tonight, even snuck to the top of the tallest hotel, all in an attempt to see the stupid volcano... but alas, it was all in vain. i talked to a becak (rickshaw) driver, and he gave me oddly specific directions to a place outside of town where i could clearly see the volcano, but it was already after 10 pm at that point, so i just came home. he seemed to think that i was panicking when i asked where i could see the volcano (i'm not), and he was very reassuring, "oh don't worry, this happens ALL the time, we haven't had a big eruption since '67, nothing can hurt us here". nice guy.

i secretly hope the sky is full of ash and school is closed tomorrow. for 3 reasons.
1. i just want to sleep in.
2. i don't want to go to parent teacher conferences tomorrow.
3. how cool would that be? (assuming i don't actually inhale the ash, of course.)

new adventures!

(my 2 volcanoes. the smaller one on the left is merapi, the bigger one on the right is merbabu. i live on merbabu...)

i got this email today:

Dear Fellow Staff Members,
I would like to remind and/or inform everyone of the possible upcoming eruption of Mt. Merapi.  Currently the Indonesian government has placed Mt. Merapi on it’s highest alert status and is urging people living on the mountain to evacuate in preparation for an eruption.  In the event of an eruption, we will be fairly safe from any lava flow or large flying debris due to Mt. Merbabu being between us and Mt. Merapi.  In the event of a large eruption though, the likelihood of some falling ash or ash clouds blowing over is fairly high.  The ash itself won’t be very hot, but may be quite toxic.  

Here is some information which should help you in the event of a major ash fall here – a rare but possible occurrence.  An ash cloud may involve hot air and therefore increased air temperatures in the cloud itself.  If volcanic ash should fall on us, as a reminder, do not breathe it in and do not play in it or allow your children to play in it as the effects of this toxic substance could be very dangerous to your health.  It is advised to place a mask over your mouth and nose and to seek shelter immediately, if not sooner.  If an appropriate mask is not available, a wet cloth should be used.  Irritation to the eyes and skin may also occur, so you should keep your eyes and skin covered as well and avoid direct contact with the ash. 

Driving a vehicle during a heavy ash fall may be dangerous and is not recommended unless absolutely necessary as visibility and traction on the road could be greatly reduced.  The ash can contain very fine particles that will easily clog up your vehicle’s air filter possibly causing it to stop running.  It is advised not to come into direct contact with the ash due to it’s toxicity, but rather to use gloves and other protective clothing if you must come in contact with the ash, ie: clean-up.

Please remember that public utilities and services may be disrupted for a period of time if the ash fall is great; including electricity, water, transportation – airports, etc.  It is advisable to stock up with at least a week’s supply of drinking water and non-perishable food items.  The recommended amount of water would be at least 3 to 4 liters per person per day.  This may mean purchasing a couple of extra 20 liter (5 gallon) water bottles to keep at home.

For reassurance, Mt. Merapi has erupted several times in the past 12 years, but we have not experienced any major ash fall in that time.

In the event of an earthquake associated with an eruption (again, an unlikely but possible occurrence) follow the earthquake procedures first making any necessary adaptations depending on current conditions, such as falling ash – cover mouth/nose with wet towel/cloth. 

for news, you can read this:

http://en.vivanews.com/news/read/184768-mt-merapi-ready-to-blow

or:

http://www.thejakartapost.com/news/2010/10/23/official-warns-mt-merapi-eruption.html

weird thought – a year ago come november, i was at the top of this volcano....

oh, the joys of motherhood

beginning yesterday at 5 am, i am now a single parent. only for 6 days, but still... i've got an 8 yr old, a 6 yr old, and a 1 yr old in my charge while their parents are out of the country. i'm staying with them in their house, and it's quite an adventure. last night, we had 11 here for dinner as we had a goodbye party for 2 friends who will be moving "overseas" (though still within indonesia) in the next week. cooking a nice dinner, trying to keep the place clean, and juggling 3 children was tough. but we made it. the kids ate dinner with us, and while the older 2 had dessert, the younger one got his bath, bottle, and went to sleep. while we cleaned up the dishes, the older 2 got their baths and got to hang out with us for a little bit before getting shipped off to bed as well. then i got some grown up time. that was important to me after just 1 day with kids! aish....

right now, the older 2 are outside chasing a rhinoceros beetle while the youngest is napping soundly. my favorite time of day.

it's a little scary knowing that the parents are out of the country and out of reach for the next week. not that i want to dwell on the worst case what ifs, but really, if something were to happen.... i'm here in a third world country with a third world medical system with 3 kids, 2 of whom have american passports and 1 of whom has an indonesian passport, and none of whom share any kind of genetic relationship with me.

however, i am surrounded by an awesome community of believers, any of whom would step in to help me if the need arose. that is a comforting thought. also, i made the parents write a will, just in case. because they didn't have one before. not a full will, but basically just the part that gives guardianship of their children to someone... what's that called? so i know where that is hidden and also where all the first aid supplies are. also comforting thoughts.

ok. kids are back. i think there's already some marker on the floor....

one year ago...

i just read over blog posts from october 2009. oh, man... how far i've come. i miss those times, and i don't at the same time.

the big 3 things that were going on last october were:
1. the big earthquake in padang.
2. i saw my first horse dance.
3. my parents were here.

they're STILL cleaning up sumatra after that earthquake...

horse dance and demons got brought up at bible study last night. in a room of 6 people, 3 white and 3 indonesian, i was the only one who'd had firsthand experience with the powers of darkness. they had me count - i'd never thought about it before... 8 times in the last 2 years. eight times i've seen demons or had a demonic experience. just in indonesia. before moving here, the count was a whopping ONE. in africa. i'm not sure what to make of this. is it bad that it doesn't freak me out anymore? after that one time in africa, i was so disturbed for so long. i had bad dreams and would wake up crying just from seeing one demon possessed person beside the road one day. a month ago, i woke up and saw a demon standing next to my bed. and i fell back asleep. ya, i live in indonesia. there's demons. it's life.

my parents came for fall break last year. fall break is next week. sigh. miss those guys. wish they could come back, but like i wrote earlier, i'll be a little tied up this break...

susu means milk

so life is busy as ever. break is coming up next week! 10 days of no school! sadly, i'll be babysitting 3 kids 24 hours a day for 6 of those days. and even more sadly, mel and tiff will both be leaving java for good next week. imma miss my white friends. part of me is dreading the change, but part of me is also curious and excited about what's yet to come.

and speaking of coming, remember those south african guys we brought home with us from bali 2 years ago? well, one of them is back to compete in a race on bali (he's a runner), and afterwards, he'll be visiting us here in salatiga! so horray for friends coming!

right now, i'm in yearbook class. i usually dedicate this hour and a half of my life to dominating minesweeper - the only game worth mentioning on any of the 15 year old computers in our lab - and trying to keep warm in one of 4 frigidly air conditioned locations on campus.

but today, there's something i'm excited about. it's more exciting than change. more exciting than people going or people coming. it's even more exciting than minesweeper, which means it's pretty dang exciting.

it's my friend susu. his whole life, he's been muslim. but lately, he's been asking lots of questions. questions about his faith and questions about our faith. he joined a bible study (PA) with some friends of mine which i also recently started attending. and i tell you what, i LOVE being in PA with susu. he sees things from a completely different perspective than i do. he sees God differently than i do. and it's.... refreshing. so very refreshing.

we've been doing bible study with prepared materials and study guides, but this week, we decided to get away from that and start diving into John, simply reading and discussing. we did this partly for the sake of susu who needs to know more about the life of Christ, but also because the guy who was making all the materials for us moved away last week. : )

we weren't too sure how it would go, but we all spent time preparing ahead of time and praying that the Spirit would lead. and it was great! we made it through the first 2 chapters last night, and even the first few verses of the first chapter didn't trip up susu. they made perfect sense to him. "the Word is Jesus. He was God's Message, and He IS God."

su liked the parts about Jesus calling the first disciples and how Jesus wanted to have a relationship with them. datanglah dan lihatlah. come and see.

he liked the story of Jesus' first miracle. he was glad to hear that Christianity isn't about rules and regulations like he always thought (and like islam is). heck, Jesus was at a party. we decided that He might have even danced! and for his first act? - He made wine!

and when Jesus got angry at the people selling things in the temple, susu pointed out that He could have just killed them. it would have been easy for Him. but He controlled Himself. and through that, all at once, He showed mercy AND He showed that there are some things in life we SHOULD get angry about.

it is incredible watching susu's eyes being opened to who God is, and last night was even more fun as i got to see him start to understand who Jesus is. i think the two of them will be good friends someday...

pray with me.

and for my text trick...

tonight's pronunciation lesson with indonesians consisted of the following words:

1. leather
2. letter
3. ladder
4. latter
5. lather
6. litter
7. liter
8. leader
9. later

for the record, when an indonesian says these words, they all sound like "leather". except for liter, because that's the same word in indonesian. also, none of my friends knew latter or lather, so i got to teach some new vocab.

in turn, i learned to count to ten in javanese.

1. siji
2. loro
3. telu
4. papat
5. limo
6. enem
7. pitu
8. wolu
9. songo
10. sepuluh

also, i drank my first latte.

oh, and we had a soccer tournament here this weekend. our school took second place to a REALLY good team. so hurrah! what ended up as (i think) the third place team had probably the most traumatic injury i've ever heard of. it seems like nobody actually saw what happened, but we all saw the player, a boy of about 14, laying beside the field after his injury, surrounded by teammates and first aid officials, drifting in and out of consciousness. eventually, they carried him away and took him to the hospital. rumors were going around that he had been kicked in the head, that he wasn't breathing, that his leg was broken, etc. i talked to hotjaga later, who was working as goalie coach, cleanup crew, and first aid for the tournament to get the lowdown. and very matter-of-factly, he told me, "oh yeah. him. someone kicked him so hard in the crotch that his testicles are inside his body now."

OMG! who even knew that was POSSIBLE?!

you learn something new every day, i guess. and not always javanese.

yet another reason to be wary

conversation with an indonesian friend last night:

her: i was at the gym this week, and i was exercising. i did 2 or 3 situps, and when i stood up, i was dizzy, so i called my husband and said, "we have to go to the emergency room. now." [this is very much indonesian culture. if ANYTHING is wrong, you go to the hospital.]
me: really? you went to the hospital? you were probably just dehydrated.
her: no. i was drinking lots of water...
me: well, what did they say at the hospital?
her: the doctor made me do some weird stuff. like this... *she demonstrates for me how he had her hold both her arms straight out in front of her and touch the tips of her index fingers together. then he had her take her right index finger, touch it to her nose, then back to her left index finger*
me: that doesn't seem so hard. could you do it?
her: yes. until he made me do it with my eyes closed! i couldn't do it because i couldn't see where my left finger was!
me: so what did the doctor say?
her: he says i have vertigo and he ordered a ct scan, an mri, and an ekg.
me: WHAT? vertigo?? you don't have ANY symptoms of vertigo! you were dehydrated!
her: ya, i looked it up online. i don't have it.
me: so did you get the tests?
her: no.
me: oh, goodness....

please pray that i never, ever get sick enough that i have to go to the hospital here. they kill people in the hospital. sometimes i wonder if some of these doctors passed the 6th grade. there's no common sense, let alone medical sense...

one more post...

so i can't believe i haven't actually posted this yet

- i have a kidney infection! or so it seems...

my blood test came back with EVERYTHING normal, much to my surprise. i was typically just slightly anemic in america, but here... in the land of chicken and rice ...my iron levels were in the upper half of the normal range!

but my urine test showed levels of bacteria in my pee. so it's most likely either a urinary tract infection or a kidney infection. i vote for kidneys, partly because i don't know how to say "urinary tract" in indonesian, partly because i don't have any of the "normal" symptoms of a uti (not that they're always "normal"), and partly because i feel like my kidneys got pumped full of bird shot then run over by a dump truck.

so i'm taking some home remedy stuff that makes me pee a lot. i figured it can't hurt. and i'm also on some strong antibiotics.

underrrrr control.

screensavers

this picture just came across my screensaver slideshow:

i happened to glance up at it as it flashed across the screen, and i thought to myself, “man, i have CONQUERED that mountain!” and i thought about the moment i took that picture, sitting in front of pak superman’s house right after coming down off the mountain, and how the adrenaline of victory overwhelmed the total physical exhaustion and 30 hours of no sleep.

and i hope i never ever ever have to do it again.

what a small world

our superintendent is planning to move back to the states next year, and because of his advance planning, our school has spent the last year and a half searching for a new superintendent to fill his mighty big shoes. in that last year and a half, the school board has read many applications and done many phone interviews, but only TWO candidates have been invited to come for a visit. the second is here now. i thought i recognized his name when they announced his coming a few weeks ago, but i didn't think much of it.

until yesterday at the meet and greet where he shared a little bit about himself. including that he now works - and has worked for the last 7 years - as the assistant superintendent at the school i student taught at in kenya 3 years ago! after the meeting, i got a chance to chat with him and his wife... and though neither of us ever remember meeting each other, we have vague recollections of knowing who the other person is. our conversation went something like this:

him: so when were you in kenya again?
me: it was fall of 2007.
him: and what was happening then?
me: well, i got there the day before the mumps outbreak.
him: oh, right! i remember that... hard months.
me: yeah, jessie (the middle school math teacher) got it right after i got there, so then i was student teaching in the high school and subbing for her classes as well.
him: right! i remember a student teacher doing that and everyone being shocked!
me: haha... ya, that was me.

so ya. craziness. and if that isn't enough, their oldest son just started his freshman year at college.... the same college where my parents met and now live 30 minutes away from.

on a different topic, i finally started on 2 meds last night, and i'm feeling at about 85% today. i can tell that something is wrong inside my body, but the pain level is so much better than it has been for the past 5 days. i made it through the day teaching yesterday with frequent intervals of pushing the desks together and taking naps on top of them in between classes, so i'm expecting even better things today. i'm not sure if this feeling of semi-health is drug induced or if the infection is really leaving my system, but either way, i'll take it!

NSFM (not safe for men)

this morning i was pretty dang sick. as sick as i’ve been in the past 4 days. lots and lots of lower back pain. it woke me up at 5, so i rolled around in bed for awhile, took a long, hot shower, then went to school to write up some sub plans since i knew there was no way i’d make it through the day. i finished that before school started and came home and crawled back into bed.

at 1, my friend sylva came to drive me to prodia, a medical lab in town. i wanted to get my blood and urine tested to see if they could narrow down what was wrong with me so that i could start treating it. now on day 4, it was becoming obvious that this wasn’t something that would just pass.

sylva helped me figure out what tests i needed... the list of about 100 different tests available really had me confused! all i really needed checked were my blood levels, urine, and liver. so i paid for my tests ($15) and the nurse took me back to the “lab”. they had me sit in an office chair, and as she tied a rope around my upper arm to prep me for drawing blood, we had the following conversation (translated into english for your convenience, dear reader):

nurse: oh, i forgot to ask earlier, are you on your period?
me: uhm... why?
nurse: if you are, we can't do a urine test.
me: well, i am. but it's almost over.
nurse: well, you might have to wait for the urine test.
me: i need to know what's wrong today. i have a job... i need medicine.
nurse: well, we can't do it if you're menstruating.
me: so... why?
nurse: you'll get a false reading, because there will be blood in your urine.
me: i'm pretty sure those are 2 different systems...
nurse: but blood could come out into your urine.
me: oh. um.... i'm american. i wear tampons, not pads.
nurse: what's a tampon?
me: oh dear... well, it goes inside me so that no blood can come out.
nurse: but you have to take it out to pee, so the blood will come out.
me: uh... no, i don't.
nurse: then how do you pee?
me: the tampon stays in.
nurse: you can't pee like that.
me: why not?
nurse: because there's only one hole!
me: are you about to take my blood?!? are you even a nurse?
nurse: yes. why?
me: *in english* oh, dear God, i hope you've had medical training. but i have some serious doubts.
nurse: see this needle? clean, right?
me: uh... i guess so.
nurse: ok. *inserts needle into my arm* so when do you want your urine test?
me: today.
nurse: but we can't.
me: ok. listen. there are TWO HOLES. one for blood and one for pee.
nurse: ya, there's two holes. one for poop, one for pee.
me: well, ok then, there's THREE holes.
nurse: no. let me go ask my boss.
*she finishes drawing my blood, goes to talk to her boss, and returns*
nurse: my boss says you can do your urine test. *hands me a cup* the bathroom is through that door.
me: ok, thanks.

i go through the door and find myself.... in a garage. with a random man with no shoes and his pants unzipped washing his hands in a ghetto looking sink. i asked him where the bathroom was, and he motioned towards the back of the room to a door hanging half off its hinges. i headed that way, and sure enough - a bathroom. with a bare lightbulb hanging from the ceiling and a toilet with no seat in the corner and about 2 inches of water on the floor. so i manage to fill the cup without getting anything on me or touching the toilet. then i went back into the lab area.

nurse: all finished?
me: yup. here's my pee.
nurse: your results will be ready at 6 and we close at 8.
me: ok, i'll come back later then.
nurse: ummm... when you come back, can you bring one of those.... things?
me: things?
nurse: ya, like what we talked about earlier?
me: oh, tampon?
nurse: yeah. i want to see. i've never seen that.
me: sure.
nurse: and can you explain it to me?
me: um... yeah. i can do that.

so i came home and rested almost all day. sylva stayed with me, because indonesian culture mandates that you guard the sick. she got me some food and watched movies with me and talked with me and gave me a dang good back massage. she's pretty much awesome.

i got my test results a couple hours ago. all the levels in my blood work were normal (which is aMAZing given that i live in a country that is not known for its balanced diet or its focus on healthy eating/living), but it showed that i have bacteria in my urine, so i'm pretty sure i've got a kidney infection. that would explain why pain shoots through my body, stemming from my lower back, every time i move.

i've actually been feeling pretty good for the last couple hours. i went and watched a soccer game near my house for about 30 minutes and it didn't hurt as much to walk or sit. i've been sitting up for the last hour or so, eating dinner, writing this, and watching season 2 of house. that's good news, because for the past 3 days, i couldn't even do that without major pain. i haven't taken any meds yet, but i'm going to start on antibiotics tomorrow. and hopefully this feeling of semi-health will last so that i can actually teach tomorrow! my students have done an AWESOME job of stepping in, grading their own homework, learning independently, and teaching each other, but two days is too long to be away from them. i need to get back in the saddle!

oh, and when i went back to get the results, i stuck a tampon in my pocket, but as luck would have it, that nurse was nowhere to be seen... i guess she'll just have to wonder about this mystery product that you can stick inside you to catch the blood but not the pee.

no good

i am sick. again. for the third time this month. boy, when it rains, it pours, huh? the first two times were weather induced flu/head cold-type issues.... but this time is different.

it started saturday night, i was at church, and my back just started hurting really bad. i chalked it up to the metal folding chairs that i sat in for 3 hours. i got home and tried to watch a movie and was really uncomfortable and then got really nauseous as well, but never threw up.

sunday morning was the same, but i wanted to go to church. i was pretty miserable, but made it through the service and came home and spent the entire rest of my day laying on the couch watching geckos, spiders, and ants on the walls. no joke. because i found that if i laid really still, the pain went away. but if i moved, it just shot all over my body, mostly up and down my back. oh, and i watched the original version of cheaper by the dozen. since i rarely take medicine, usually 1 ibuprofin is enough to take care of whatever ails me. 2 is numbing. i was taking 3 at a time yesterday, and all it did was make me more nauseous than i already was, even though i took them with bread.

so this morning, feeling even worse, i decided to try to make it through school. the normal 5 minute walk took 15 because it hurts to move. i stalked the nurse's office until she got there, and she checked me out. she says it could be flu. what's going around lately usually takes 3 days to get out of the system. after listening to my stomach and heart and poking me all over, she also said it could be something kidney/liver related, even possibly hepatitis. or parasites. she said nothing is enlarged, but most of the pain is coming from my lower back.

so she gave me a cocktail of 800 mg of ibuprofin and 800 mg of something else for the pain and told me to see how long i made it. i taught my first two classes in misery and decided to come home after that. i have one more class today, but not until 5th period, and it's a pretty basic lesson. so someone else is gonna cover for me.

i'm at home now, laying in bed, hoping today is not as boring as yesterday. and also really hoping i don't have hep or kidney stones or something horrific like that. the nausea i can handle... it's this incurable back pain that gets to me. ugh.

oh, and if i'm not better by tomorrow, i'm gonna get blood work done to start ruling things out and narrowing the causes down.

thinking out loud. virtually.

so it’s an almost definite thing that i’ll be starting to teach english at a buddhist university later this month. and it’s gonna be a regular part of my life. and i have no clue where to start. this is not the first time i’ve been asked to teach english, and it certainly won’t be the last.

i never realized before i came here how much people WANT to learn english or how much of a need there is for native speakers as language teachers. and the third thing i am realizing as i go is how many doors teaching english can open. i’ve taught english to christians who have no clue who Jesus Christ is. i’ve taught english in muslim boarding schools. i’m about to start teaching english to monks. i’ve taught english in homes, in schools, in churches, in mosques, in cities, in villages to preschool kids, elementary school kids, middle school kids, high school kids, university students, and adults. but the thing is that i really have very little concept of HOW to teach a foreign language.

i made it through 2 years of teaching high school spanish because i had textbooks and workbooks to go through with the students. but when i teach english here, i have absolutely nothing to work with. no starting point, no curriculum to follow, no manipulatives, no books, no way of evaluating or assessing.

and i need to learn how to teach english without those things. hence, i really want to get my TESOL. i am eager to do the work necessary to help me learn how to teach english as a foreign language. i can get it online, starting in january. but i have to be signed up by the end of this month. and to do that, i need $400.

so here’s the thing. i’m writing this here and sending out emails as well to say.... i can’t do this on my own. i don’t have 400 extra bucks laying around. i need some partners on this one. i don’t have all the logistics figured out, and i don’t need promises written in blood from anyone, but before i pursue this further, i need to stop and ask – are there people out there who are willing to support me in this?